I like myself

It was nice. It was just really really nice.

I am sweet. I am loving, gentle, peaceful, generous, creative. I am the precision-engineered ball-bearings which keep the machine of human society purring along smoothly. I am highly intelligent, and this is wonderful. It is really beautiful to be me. I have great gifts, for my delight and the benefit of humanity.

I phoned the Samaritans with the purpose of being positive about myself and my situation. I would enumerate my reasons to be cheerful. Over an hour with Linda I did. Coming to self-acceptance and my current understanding has been difficult, and I have managed it because I am perceptive and creative. I have responded well to my situation. Linda observed that I am honest and passionate. That is true.

Out of work, it has been good to have the time to care for myself and to heal, and-

I deserve it.

I am worthy of this. It is not some imposition on society, but a positive good.

At the end of the call, I surprised myself by saying

I like myself.

I have not thought of it like that before. I am pleased. I wonder how many people can say that. Try it. Look in a mirror, and say that to yourself, and smile. See how it feels. Let me know, if you like, in the comments: let us celebrate one another. Thirty years ago, I saw the dentist’s wife for the first time, and my friend turned to me and said, “I love me. Who do you love?” in mockery and resentment of her self-assurance, which I might have thought arrogant. “I like me” is difficult- but it’s good if you can do it.

I phoned the Samaritans to psych myself up for applying for another job. I would be good for it, and it would be good for me. I have now emailed the employer’s contact. I was with my radical feminist friend on Wednesday night. I took off my wig to put on my cycle helmet, but we continued talking. “You have lovely male energy,” she said- and, given that she uses the word “male” in the peculiar radical feminist sense, I can take that as a compliment. West of Candleford, miles from anywhere, I had a puncture; I phoned a taxi which took me and the bicycle home, and next day took the wheel off, went to get a new tyre, and put the wheel back on. I am pleased with dealing with that problem. As he drove off, the taxi driver said, “Goodnight, sir,” but rather than thinking “Oh my God! He thinks I’m a man!” I thought, “What a nit.”

I googled “I like myself”, and find it is a picture book. A mother writes, My daughter thought the little girl was “funny”. I found her quite delightful, I could feel the happiness she exudes while reading this book. How lovely!

After all my self-doubt, this is an improvement. You can think well of yourself too.

Pretty trans woman

20 thoughts on “I like myself

  1. You know what? You do deserve to like yourself. That goes a long, long way to rendering other people’s opinions of you null and void. No one’s opinion can erase you. You are who you are no matter what anyone else thinks or believes.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You know it is freedom.

      Anyone seeking to dominate or control or diminish you, in a family or in wider society, will seek to diminish you in your own eyes. Refusing that is freedom. And others often take you at your own estimation. We all deserve that freedom- not to dominate others, but to be ourselves. That freedom is infectious.

      Like

    • Dear Calie,

      Thank you so much. More and more, that is the audience I am writing for. I want to reassure, comfort and give confidence. The picture is from 2001; I still like clothes as bright as that.

      You wrote, If you need to read a really positive post, today, Clare’s, I Like Myself, is the one for you.

      As a bonus, Clare has included a rare picture. This girl is gorgeous!

      Thank you. Being positive is so important. We have a hard time, sometimes, and it is easy to dwell on that, and counting blessings is worthwhile.

      Like

  2. I’m wondering if other people see themselves as not only loved but liked by others?
    It’s true that most people do not ‘hate their own flesh, but rather cherish it’. I always wondered what drives people to a) question whether they are worthy of other’s love and b) withhold the basic love/like of themselves?
    I don’t think I’ve ever not liked myself. Haven’t always been pleased or proud of who I was or my actions from time to time, but I don’t think I’ve ever equated that with not liking or loving myself.
    I guess it’s another feeling I don’t fully understand yet.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Welcome, KIA. We really did get off on the wrong foot, didn’t we? I hope you can forgive me. I am glad to have you here. Thank you for sharing.

      I grew up seeing myself as worthless, only of value for what I could achieve- which was never enough. This was still my position in 2010: it was mostly unconscious then, though I had inklings of it since 1986. My work is making my unconscious conscious, and reconciling myself with who I am. “I like myself” was a revelation to me, on Friday. And feeling that I was loveable, last May, felt like the most beautiful spiritual experience.

      Liked by 1 person

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