This blog is about Life: everything that interests me, which is everything. And- as I am a trans woman, it is about my Trans experience. What is transition like? Why do we transition? Click the links.
Expressing myself female is so much better. Here is what I have lost- and gained. I have felt such shame, and I overcome it. Though arguably mine is a male experience, and we are feminine men. What does the word “feminine” even mean? For me, it means this. This is how feminine I am. I have been terribly femme-phobic. I have fought my femininity, gloried in it, and let go of it. But do others “see us as women”– and if not, does it matter? Do they try?
Autogynephilia is the theory that we transition because we are perverts. I doubt this theory. I tell my own experience of it, share James Cantor‘s theory that it is life-long and incorrigible, then give resources showing why it is wrong. Though even if it were true, it would be right to transition if you wished. In Fetishes, I assess a similar theory about why we might want to be women. The Gender Diamond is a more useful theory. “Trans is not a sexual orientation,” we insist- but it is all about sex. Doctors are the gate-keepers on treatment, but cultural understandings of the condition itself are far more useful than the medical model. This is what DSM V has to say, and perhaps ICD 11.
What if, after transition, you realise it was a mistake? Here are four women who reverted, and why. Being a sissy is a way of being a man, so perhaps you should present male. Being a sissy is shame filled, but is beautiful and valuable. A sissy can “Man up” if necessary. I have decided I will not revert.
Appearance matters, and you need to know how to tuck your penis so that you can wear short skirts, even a swimming costume. But taking your wig off is okay. And it was completely wonderful to get my first well-fitting bra. It is important to have breast screening. How would you explain to others: are you a “Woman trapped in a man’s body,” or “born that way”? Could you achieve Stealth, and would you want to? How should you respond to abuse in the street? How should you respond to abuse from trans excluders: do we have male privilege, or is there any such thing as trans privilege?
If you consider altering your natural hormone balance, you may be interested in my experiences: being taken off HRT, how I was six months after going back on, and having my hormones reassessed later. Norethisterone, synthetic progesterone, apart from causing bleeds so lessening the risk of uterine cancer, has interesting effects.
I write about Choosing Transition– making the decision, and the work involved in coming to living female- and the Road map, on how constrained the “acceptable” way of transitioning is. Making your own decision, you may be pleased to learn of resemblances between trans and cis women’s brains.
I have written on surgery for gender reassignment: Orchiectomy and homosexual transsexuals, and A Tranny paradox on why I had the operation. You need to know about dilation of the neovagina after the operation, though you can have labiaplasty without a neo-vagina. Your vagina may be created from part of your bowel, a colo-vaginoplasty. Don’t have it unless you are certain you want it. I keep coming back to this. You get the appearance, not the reality, of female sexual organs.
Even though I transitioned in 2002, and felt more myself than ever before, I have gone through a series of self-acceptance experiences far more recently. We deny ourselves to make ourselves men, and it scars us. Though light is a wave and a particle: I could see myself as a man, a woman, both, or neither, or as a trans woman.
In January 2016, the Parliamentary Committee on Women and Equalities reported on Transgender Equality. The British governments then consulted on reforming rules on gender recognition, in Scotland (here are the responses from the public) and in England and Wales. These are my responses.
I write challenging trans-exclusion: Trans-Including radical feminists; Are you a TERF?; I am a “Real woman”; Trans “Chauvinism”; An address to the radical feminists; Peak Trans, a “man in a dress”, refuting TERF attacks. Part of the problem is that Empowerment for them is completely different than for us, though I believe complementary.
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