Introducing Clare

Profile pictureMy name is Clare, and I am interested in Life.

Whatever is human, I find it fascinating, and want to understand it and feel with it. In over 2000 posts here since August 2011, I have written of- well, just look at my tag cloud: Dancing, David Cameron, Death, Delight, Desire…

The other compliment I treasure above all others is “You can seem serious, but underneath it all you are a joyful, playful child.”

I am transsexual, and most of my Google searches find me because of that, but I prefer writing of my encounters with strangers, or things I find beautiful: see all the Art here. I am on a spiritual quest:

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Please comment. The best fun in this hobby is interacting.

Here I am, playing the piano. I also do comedy occasionally.

And- a video selfie, because still selfies are so last year:

217 thoughts on “Introducing Clare

  1. Hi Clare. I’m here after battling, with you, for a while with the folks over at PreacherPollard. I enjoyed reading your posts over there and I have come over here to see what you have to say. I wish you had a Facebook page! I will drop by now and again to see what you have to say! *waves*

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hello Clare, I come over to see what your blog was about, I have spend the last 40 minutes sailing through it, I am pleasantly suprised and will have to come back and read more, but have to tell you the following story which has through the years connection to you and my own ignorance about the whole transgender, sex change thing.
    I was bought up in a very working class background were weakness was not shown, if you did you were eaten alive and life was not worth living. Homosexuality as you can understand in that environment it was hever taked aboutvand if it was you had remarks like ‘hang the perverts’ I was also raised in the Penticostal church were it was the foulest thing on God good earth. So my teachings about gay men were not great.
    I left school spent the first year working on the docks again the attitude was men are men blah blah.

    I left home at 16, joined the RAF, came home on leave for a long week end, met up with my girlfriend and we got in with another group were 1 couple were men, the group was big enough that I didnt need to interact with them apart from when they spoke to me, what I did notice that the argued a lot, anyway the groip came smaller and ended at this gay couples house after more alcohol, it was passing out time and my gf and I stayed the night along with a few others, The gay couple were still bickering, we could hear it from their room. Now my gf unknown to me until later that evening told me she had known the couple for about a year but didnt wish to tell me because she knew my thoughts, but she was happy I behaved she said after she woke me going to the loo. I said yes it was ok but not my thing, she smiled……then it happened, I ssid but the always bickering, why don’t they just not bother with each other……….. she said because the LOVE each other stupid……it was like being hit in the gack of the head with a plank of wood. What I had witnessed all night was to men in love, the little things I saw with my subconscious but being the way I was brought up it was dirty and not right. Love it was just the same as hetro couples I knew, same body language, touches, whispers, strokes and pecks on cheeks. It was then my eyes were opened and the dark veil of distrust and dislike was lifted.

    Now I come on to your blog, your beautiful blog. Even though I have no problem and even have gay friends both sexes and life is good, except till it came to transgender, transsexualism and the whole man to woman and vice versa, I was fery uncomfortable with the idea, I have met one and seen a couple living in a small place in Scotland, you don’t see black people never mind anything else, to me it just didn’t look right to much over the years of really comic men dressing as women two much make up, walking badly, just wrong………
    Until I have read your blog, looked at the beautiful photoshoot you had done, as a photographer they did well. So what you have written and your photos, along with looking at the links, you have ‘cured’ me. I can see how beautiful it is. Thank you.

    Footnote: While writing the last paragraph Mock the Week is on, if you don’t know what it is, its a saritcal comedy show with teams of comedians they answer questions about the weeks news. A joke was cracked while taking about the Catholic church and Homosexuality. …………’The bible says If a man lays down with another man they must be stoned’………..The comedian carried on ‘All I can say it does help’

    God bless 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Clare, It does seem and is seen, you were born a male with masculinity, though feeling the feminine more.
    Your appearance contains the masculine strength and definition,; though, you transitioned to female with the dominating femininity.
    Your senior years, more recent photo shows the masculinity and the femininity.
    Maybe if as a child you weren’t pushed to be masculine In a better world you could have accepted yourself as you were, male though gentle; but regardless if the feminine was noticeably stronger, well, you’ve done as you’ve needed to do;
    and I like you your look as you are, just showing ‘you’.
    I’m glad to read of you your story of your life.
    I am glad to be aware of you. I like to empathise as I’m able how you feel.
    MArmstrong
    Adelaide
    South Australia

    Liked by 3 people

    • MArmstrong,
      You were very articulate to which Clare appreciates, however, I do not see the masculinity that you see. I see a lovely women who is finally enjoying her world, free from the “chains that bound her”… not to be critical of your assessment. You are just able to see something, perhaps that I do not see. I like her look too! 🙂
      Blessings,
      Rhonda

      Liked by 1 person

        • You are very welcome. It is the truth. I simply don’t see whatever he was seeing. I tried and tried and all I see is a lovely woman that loves and appreciates all things in life and I appreciate that about you. I saw how you saw a flower between the crack in the sidewalk… I love how you see beauty everywhere you look. I was raised under a lot of criticism which makes that one to be critical. I have spent the largest part of my adulthood, through Christ, overcoming that. And when I see through your eyes, I feel like I am seeing through His. Thank you, my friend, for you have enriched my life more than you know. Hugs xoxo

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  4. This is the previous text:


    Hello. My name is Clare.

    I have been posting more or less daily since August 2011. My purpose comes from Jesus and Eliot:

    Jesus said: When you unclothe yourselves and are not ashamed, and take your garments and lay them beneath your feet like the little children and trample on them, then you will see the Son of the Living One, and you will not be afraid.

    I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope
    For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love
    For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
    But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
    Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:
    So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing. East Coker.

    Here, I seek to know myself. I seek Carl Rogers’ Organismic Self rather than Self Concept, knowing my own feelings rather than taking refuge in ego-defences. I seek to value my own strengths. I was brought up to make a man of myself, so only now, ten years after transitioning to express myself female full time, I come to terms with the deep shame I felt at my feminine self, and accept that. I am intuitive, and deeply feeling, and I was brought up to devalue my feelings and intuition and respect only rational argument. It is human to deny and repress those parts which do not fit the self-concept, so creating a Shadow: as I get to know my shadow, I find it beautiful, though that is difficult: I try to work out what is behind the blind spots I have created, from the unconscious promptings which shame me. I release my shame, and come to accept my feelings.

    This is a spiritual journey half completed. Indeed the darkness may be the light, and the stillness the dancing, but I have no idea what light or dancing might look like. I am retreated from the World, nursing my hurts, hoping that I am healing as I must. I share here as a spiritual discipline, learning as I share. Thank you for reading: the openness of the process is essential.

    Completely rewritten 2 January 2013.

    parchment

    And the 2012 version:

    HumanityBlog of the Year Award 1 star jpeg is moving from a beautiful morality, where each person conforms to an ideal called “normal”, and everyone can be safe as long as they conform, and know what they can expect from others, to a more beautiful morality in which each person is allowed to be who they are, and accepted for it. More and more people are conscious of their own spiritual growth, and seeking it. Violence is getting less and less acceptable. Increasingly, people do not defend their tribe from out-groups, but consider that all of life is their in-group. We are not there yet, but we are getting there. I am part of that change.

    I am part of the New Age, the New Enlightenment. I am on the Personal Growth circuit, doing things like the Hoffman process, HAI, and 5Rhythms dancing,all highly recommended. I am Flowering. I am a Quaker, and transsexual, which I see as a blessing to celebrate. I share some of my poetry. Oh Wow! is a miscellany of quotes which engage my attention.

    I have not done a great deal of photography, but have created images with others which I share on the pages snap snap, grin grin, works of art, photo fun, Gorgeous and A Photoshoot. I play games. I comment on paintings I find beautiful. I feel that no post is complete without some sort of illustration, so I have got my camera out now and then. I would be very grateful for any critical comments. How does my picture make you feel? How might it technically be improved?

    Why this blog? I post regularly, and enjoy the discipline of trying to write something people will wish to read, expressing my ideas comprehensibly and entertainingly as I may. I judge my success by the hit counter. There is a great deal of personal sharing, which I feel helps me accept my own life and heal myself. I hope that some of what I write strikes a chord with others. I enjoy my blog, and hope you will too. If you want to get to know me, this is a good place to start. Or the page What I write about has an introduction to, well, what I write about.

    Beautiful people come here and comment. Have a look at some of their blogs.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi Clare

    Great to meet you! I’m really fascinated to read about your journey and your philosophy. I love that ‘beautiful’ is a key word for you; it is for me too. I’ve just roughed out my next post which addresses that very value. I’m not as prolific as you but I get there! It has been heartwarming to find you and I hope we can keep up the conversation, your words above resonate deeply for me.

    Blessings, Imago

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Clare – You kindly responded to a comment I’d made regarding blog etiquette and apologies for absence. So I came to look at your blog. I found it a fascinating read and I firmly believe that persons have a right to be who they wish to be. The upshot is that I have a friend on Flickr who is moving down the road that you have already walked. I hope you don’t mind that I have pointed ‘her’ to your blog.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I am very happy at that. Welcome, and thank you for commenting. What a wonderfully eclectic blog from Finchley you have.

      On pronouns, I would prefer “her” even for someone who has not yet transitioned. It is the affirmation we need at the time. Trans blog is my guide to some particular pages on that issue.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Hello. My name is Clare.

    I live in a former council estate a mile from a village whose inhabitants insist is a town, originally built for staff for the laundry which was knocked down last year. If I walk down the street in less than five minutes I come to the field. I can walk across the field, along the river and round the lakes which formed when the gravel pit ceased operations: planning permission required its developer to set up a trust to manage the land thereafter as habitat for water fowl, and it is very pretty. There is a cafe, adventure playground, and a wire slide where I filmed my video selfie above. I take a lot of pictures there, of swans in flight or a spider’s funnel web.

    I have not been paid to work for three years, and ceased voluntary work 18 months ago. I hope that this is temporary. I believe that it is because my ways of being learned in childhood did not work for adult life, held me back all my adult life, and finally prevented me from functioning around December 2009. I hope that I can find out what they were, and change them, by practice and by seeing things differently. The words “I believe” indicate my doubt: if I had no doubt, I would make the assertion without qualification.

    I am a Quaker, and almost all my social life involves Quakers. On Friday night I had a Quaker over to dinner; I spent Saturday with Quakers sharing our thoughts and feelings about Joy and the Spirit, and on Sunday I should have clerked the business meeting but did not, acting out in a selfish and irresponsible manner like a teenager because I did not do teenage properly before I was 20.

    I am deeply conventional. Look at Lord Leighton’s paintings: these are not of human beings as they are, but as we pretend to be, a stifling conventionality which is common in current TV drama as we seek to shed it. I have that conventional upbringing, actually not knowing what I enjoyed, because it was a judgment of what I ought to enjoy. So I have found the sudden sharp scent of fox- oops, quotation not really fitting- I have found the sudden overwhelming joy at a wild flower growing in a crack at the edge of a pavement, and wondered at myself, that such joy is available at any moment.

    When I was working, I had to create practical solutions to particular problems, but often people sought relief simply by stating their problem, and I got joy from giving that relief. I am strongly pro-social, seeking to smooth conflict and make people feel better, and wonder if this arises from babyhood, trying to manage my mother and stop her being uncomfortable. She did not want me. I remember her telling me of how she had fed me something I liked, and “you sang to me”, and then she had forced cooked chicken through a sieve for me as she did not have a food processor, and “you spat it at me”, with the hurt in her memory still at a time when I could remember, and my memory because of the intensity of her feeling. But then, I too can hold emotional pain for decades.

    It seems to me I am shedding it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Welcome. 🙂 Thank you. 🙂 I don’t know much about schools this century, though a friend told me yesterday of smiling at all the pupils as they came into her class to start on a positive note, and I saw a junior school teacher greet all the pupils by name as they arrived in the morning. Here is a guide to some of the trans stuff.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Where are you? I get worried. You’re entirely too quiet. If you tell me you’re still celebrating Bastille Day, I won’t believe you. SO … ‘fess up, Madame.

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    • Suffering, I am afraid, from an addict’s compulsion to check my blog. It is not as if I get comments through the day which I have to check. So I am cutting down my consumption. I miss your blog, but then I read books.

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      • Books are good … as long as you’re looking after yourself, and not too depressed or … well, you know what I mean. I’m reading a wonderful novel by a young English writer, Elizabeth is Missing (I think). It’s a tad hard to follow at times, since you’re inside the mind of a woman with Alzheimer’s, but it’s superb. Also, before that I read a wonderful Norwegian novel in translation, The Cold Song, by Linn Ullmann. Excellent.

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  9. Clare, you played the piano absolutely beautifully and from memory. Bravo!!! Encore!! I was moved by the music as i was trying to find a way to privately contact you. You have a vast array of friends, supporters and many, many offerings for your visitors and that is wonderful.

    God bless you!
    Rhonda aka nanarhonda

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    • Welcome, and thank you for commenting. I am delighted my playing pleased you.

      Then our fighter jets should annihilate ISIS/ISIL and every other terrorist group, HAMAS, Boka Harem, Al Qeada, Czar Putin, et al… enough is enough. Iran is nuked up and ready to align itself with the Caliphate. On top of all of this is ebola virus killing people because of their burial practices. It is spreading because of it.

      Iran is Shia, ISIS is Sunni- like Saudi Arabia. They are not allied. Israel appears to be attempting surgical strikes on Hamas, but having blockaded Gaza they cannot kill Hamas without killing children. I don’t think killing children is a good thing. President Putin still has enough nuclear weapons to destroy all life on Earth, and they are probably still aimed at the US and Europe, though not quite as seriously as before. I agree with you on “Pray for peace.”

      Comment here if you would like to contact me.

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      • Clare,
        The part of my post about ISIS shouldn’t be there. It wasn’t originally, was it? Someone hacked my website and posted over 1500 posts in a week while I was trying to crochet on my oldest grandson’s afghan. I deleted all of the posts, changed my password, had dinner with my husband, came back and they not only posted more by changed my password on me! So I had to contact support and they took care of the problem and I installed WordFence (if you have plugins available, its worth the free version!) and they are still trying to get in but can’t now! Would you please remove that portion of my post? I was complimenting you on your piano performance and how it moved me so. Not about the Middle East!

        Thank you and I am so happy to hear to you are finding joy in the little things in life that God puts there for us. A cracked vessel allowed His Light to shine through!

        Blessings my friend and my 2015 bring you much joy, love, laughter, happiness, peace, and prosperity,
        Rhonda aka nanarhonda
        Founder ~ LIKE PRECIOUS FAITH Ministries
        likepreciousfaith.info
        nanarhonda.com (political blog)

        Like

          • Thank you so much, Abigail! I was so embarrassed. All I did was take a break to work on the afghan for a week. The boy will be grown before I get it done! Over 1500 posts were made by hundreds of people! I even caught some in the process of editing and I ‘took over’ and deleted. Then I changed my password and had dinner. When I came back to my chair, there were more posts and this time I could not log in as they changed my password! I now have WordFence which is a free plugin if you have the domain. It has caught all of the hundreds of people trying to get back in. After 20 attempts they get locked out! Hallelujah! I can’t afford the full version but the free version is a blessings!
            I am so sorry if it affected you at all. I know that because my website and blog are auto populated to my FB, Twitter, et al, that people had to wonder what is she thinking! A web friend from Texas send me a FB PM and said I think you’ve been hacked. All is well now! God bless you as well my friend! 🙂

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  10. As Christians Jesus has already given us His peace. We just need to find a way to rest in it. That is the most difficult part. Resting in it.

    Thank you, Clare for being very kind, and I know right where to go for a wonderful piece of music when I need it. It truly was beautiful as well as impressive as there was no sheet music for you to refer to. You truly have a gift of music!

    God’s blessings on you!

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  11. I’ve driving away your suitors … something’s not quite right with you. I worry. It’s a bit late on your end for a nap, my mother’s cure all. By the by, they keep having air siren drills here, which must (a) mean than suspect something and (b) remember that radiation sinks to the lowest part of your house.

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      • It’s true … and I suppose I hi is better than nothing. Anyway … I worry. I do hope you’re bucking up, Clare. It’s tough hill to climb, and I’ve spent my life climbing tough hills and never making it more than halfway! If you ever feel like it during the daytime hours, my phone number is 001 212 449-5090. Mark

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  12. Okay, I’m back, and those who would stop me be ashamed, prematurely wrinkled, put their shoes on the wrong feet and wear nylon socks! Unfortunately, I couldn’t get back into my old blog … even though it still exists out there somewhere. No matter, now that I’ve found you. I just have to find everyone else! How the heck are you? Did you miss me? Were you worried?

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      • I’m determined not to be run off again. I enjoy my blog of shirtless minions. I feel like we’re gossiping over the back garden fence! “OH yes, and then she puts on those airs at the bus stop. I ought to say something, I should.” Anyway, I hope your crises have been minimal … mine have been maximal, but it is to be expected

        Dost thou not think it strange that someone with a wacky wonderland of websites about me could take offense at a post of mine (previous blog … ahem) in which I made a joke about a warthog. Now … I, for one, would not read about a warthog and think it was me. However, when I read the description of a warthog I could …. well, lovey, delightful we’re back in touch!

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  13. Oy, you there lookin’ pretty and proud … are you goin’ to follow me blog or not? I don’t suppose I do convincing East London, do I? Did you notice that I ditched that old bag and I’m now a “sexy farmer.” Oh, I just look and there are more of us. I had a crush on an English farmer once, when we were at University, but … well, it’s a long story.

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  14. I shall get a ticket for you with miles … just give me a bit to jiggle things around. I wish I could get more people to read our blogs. Hmm. I must ponder. In any event, your trip to the big apple is one me, but once you’re here your coin-o’-the-realm is more valuable than my paltry dollar … so you can treat me to a booze-up followed by a slap up feed. I’ll get my friend Brian to find us tickets to a cool play or musical. I like musicals because they’re so wacky that I feel transported … and at one point in my short life I thought that if I taught another play I would scream: just WHO said Ibsen was great? I once took my students to see a performance of Hedda Gabler, which we were reading in class. Of course, they were 16, they all fell asleep … so, although good old Uncle Mark here had warned them for weeks that they were would be a gun shot, yes, all 12 of my teenagers shrieked, screamed and lurched in horror. I had to pay (well, the school did) for a new gown for one of the women in front of us … since apparently, she was drenched in un removable red dye from a temperance beverage.

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      • Don’t … it’s dull and boring and outdated even when performed by one of the Redgraves. I forget who ours was. Oh. I think the poo woman who feel while skiing.
        Are you saying you prefer plays? There’s a revival of No, No, Nanette at the moment … and wow … it’s so much fun, I jumped up at the end of the performance. Watch me and feel free to slap me as necessary .. me friends do.

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  15. Clare,
    You are still just as beautiful as the first time I saw you. You are not only beautiful outside, but you are beautiful inside as well. You have such a caring heart. I am honored to know you. I know I don’t get to your site often as I have been quite ill, and blogging my political blog but now my ministry site is up! It needs doctoring but its up from the articles that were on the old site! It has taken seemingly forever to get it back up! Please do visit when you have an opportunity. Like it or not… it is meant for all denominations as we are all still the body of Christ, we are brethren. The Church is so broken up by denominations and my site is called likepreciousfaith.info and is meant for all denominations to come. And if you would like to write an article, Clare, I would be happy to post it! But that is completely up to you.

    God bless you, my beautiful friend,
    Rhonda aka nanarhonda
    Founder ~ LIKE PRECIOUS FAITH Ministries

    Like

  16. Just read your #1000Speak post and now followed over here to find out more about you, and LOVED the joy in your video selfie, and am currently feeling my soul begin to untangle and relax with your playing. It’s beautiful. Such a gift, and this morning, one I really needed. Thank you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you.

      I love your questions. They are about enthusing and enjoying. It will be a fun post to write.

      1. What is your favorite food? (One of my university lecturers told us that food always connects us. I agree.)
      2. What motivated you to start your blog?
      3. What types of blog posts do you enjoy writing? Reading?
      4. What does your typical day look like?
      5. What is one of your talents?
      6. Who inspires you? Who are your heroes?
      7. What is something people would be surprised to know about you?
      8. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would that be?
      9. What is your favorite way to self-care after a long day?
      10. What makes you smile?

      Bonus question: Share your favorite poem.

      Liked by 1 person

  17. One of the more interesting ‘abouts’ I’ve come across, with some cracking music, a video selfie makes a note to herself to nab this idea and use it one day, and a plethora of comments too. I’m no believer in God, but I strongly believe that those who do so should not be persecuted in any form for simply being who they are. That goes for outside of religions too.

    Your header photograph is quite beautiful Clare. smiles

    esme upon the Cloud

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      • Chuffed, I believe you’re the very first person to use that word in conversation with me, tis a favourite of mine laughs. Thank you for the new skin support Clare, people should do it more often methinks.
        My own theory is that we are all part of a vast reality game along the lines of Grand Theft Auto that is being controlled by a giant alien child who has good days and bad, means well, but has the odd tantrum and randomly kills lots of people whilst stepping on the controller by mistake. They do good things too, but ultimately we’re all just living in an enormous Sims game. You just have to make the best of it and use kindness as the core of your being. And sarcasm is good too. nods and smiles.

        esme upon the Cloud

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  18. Hello, dear Clare!
    it’s good to know a person like you who is full of life. I ‘m also on spiritual pursuit 🙂
    I dare to ask, what do you think that the people who are full life go on the spiritual path or they are on the spiritual path that makes them full of life??

    I’m following you now 🙂

    love and light >3
    Vikram 🙂

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  19. Hello Clare, I have been invited to share my thoughts on a blog and I wondered if you’d be interested, as well. Would it be possible for you to contact me at b………@..com? If you are too busy, I will understand. 🙂

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  20. I love piano music, and you share your talent beautifully. Oh what fun to just be Y-O-U. I have no idea what “normal” is and frankly, am thrilled the very meaning of the word itself is being challenged daily. In my opinion, you are a SUper Hero. You are making a difference .You’ve been blogging since 2011. Just think of all the people who can now make their own difference because of your courage and moxey!!!

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  21. Wonderful site. I couldn’t find a way to contact you privately, so I’ll share here. I’m involved in a group of bloggers called 1000 Speaks for Compassion. We are getting ready to do a 30 Day Blessing Challenge, and a blogger in the group linked to your post for Metta Meditation. Because we’ll be using some of your ideas, I wanted to invite you to join us with this since you are already doing a lot of it anyway. The group is on Facebook, and I’ll be posting daily challenges and weekly blog prompts. The Facebook group is here… https://www.facebook.com/groups/1000Speak/ Thank you for all you’ve written. Great blog you got here.

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    • Welcome, Michelle. Thank you for commenting, and thank you for your kind words. Er, actually, it was I who shared my own posts- I use my real name on fb, a pseudonym here because I am so open. I will have a look at your challenges.

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  22. So…I was riveted by that video. You’re amazing! So glad to have found you in this here blogosphere. You just keep on being amazing. So nice to meet you and I look forward to many more wonderful posts and comments. 🙂

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    • Thank you. And Welcome. Your mission statement-

      To live life with a sense of wonder, always seeking understanding, expressing it creatively, fostering communication, hope and love, and helping others to see their own light.

      is very beautiful. I am delighted you have found me.

      Like

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