Getting to Yes

The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance, but live right in it, under its roof.

– Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams

My “No” has been good for me, and it is not enough for a life. Rejecting what is poisonous to me is all very well, but I wish to find and delight in what nourishes me. My No has protected me when I needed to protect myself, but it has also restricted and inhibited me where there is no threat.

So I wish to examine my No, and restrict it to actual threat. Where does it come from? Is it an overreaction? And examine my Yes, and nurture it. I am Yes to life and experience- find where, or where I might be.

In part my No comes from upbringing, the sins of the fathers. It is my oldest habit, older than me. I hide away without any real clue of what I hide from, because that is the default, unthinking mode, and so that is the most useless and damaging part of it, the unexamined reflex no, no to something which I have no reason to suppose is harmful.

Otherwise, No can only come from history. No, trying to be “normal” does not work. Then, finding a way to fit in which seemed sort of acceptable in society also does not work. What is left?

Being completely and uncompromisingly Myself

whatever that might mean
does it not work if it is self-conscious?

comes to mind, and I don’t know what that looks like. That Giacometti quote- the broader I wanted to make them, the narrower they got- could be conscious and unconscious at war, and conscious shellshocked, rather than a “Don’t Question My Art” or a paradox.

Therefore the first part of Yes has to be Yes to unknowing. Plans only look like the past, always include some unknowing as the past does not repeat itself, and, well, make a virtue of that.

I am too beautiful and generous not to share Myself with the world.

Yes to generalising from good experiences. Quakers are mostly, though not all, pleasant people and friendly enough. Then, ooh look, so are the Green Party. And now, the Labour party. Fourteen of us went out for curry on Friday night. The blether was quite fun, though I don’t understand these strange English folk: I think there was a class divide.

Generalise- human beings are mostly OK, not particularly caring about the things I want desperately to hide from them. This goes completely against my Primordial, habitual No, so needs a lot of repetition before it can become habit.

Recognise my Yeses, in the past and as they happen. Every Yes is a win.

My New Age friend said, human consciousness affects ones reality, as shown by the Double Slit experiment. If you imagine a positive future, and experience it with gratitude and joy, you bring it into existence. As you manifest heaven within, you create it without. Well, she was looking for questions, so I took the opportunity of asking.

Bringing to consciousness what I want may be useful too.

In… Out…

Ah. I’m blogging again. Oh well, I suppose putting it into words helps get it clear in my own mind.

Sitting, here, I note my body language, alternating. Thighs crossed. Arms crossed at the crotch, hands hanging down the opposite side. Closed, protective only if still, because there is not even the chance of running away. And, legs slightly apart, arms apart, resting loosely on legs, palms upward, head up. Open. One extreme or the other.

Receptive
In
Fear
Self-protecting
Resisting
Out
Love
Risking

Both valuable
Complementary, not conflicting
Both permissible.

And, protecting- arms crossed, legs crossed- yet open, head up, alert, not down in fear.

And- a way of making me conscious of it. I notice, my body language is closed. Ah: I am afraid- or, recovering, recuperating, preparing.

I can trust. “There is nothing to be afraid of, here.” Is that voice demanding or cajoling, angry and frightened, or reassuring?

I am a flibbertigibbet, fascinated by folderol, frippery and flim-flam, and I can be serious sometimes. I hadn’t got that pink lipgloss out for some time, and it stuck my lips together. Check in the mirror, no, it’s OK, the gloss does not make bars across my mouth as I open it, which break forming little points- that would look silly- yet I might be able to mime- ooh, can I open my mouth?

Would that joke come across? Point it up. Mime- stretch it- then, “Gosh, this lip gloss is sticky”

Someone called me, “brave”. It made my heart flutter with happiness. I turn the word in my mouth, tasting it.

This is intensely serious. How may I be in the world? How may I be with other people? How may I escape from the Hell where I shut down aspects of myself, lock them in a box, so that I may survive? For I am more resilient than I feared, I may survive with less self-protection

I make no sense to me at all, and I so want to make sense

I see the bravery, though I need it pointed out sometimes. I see the Love, and it is Lovely, and I love it.

A quote from Rick Hanson, via the One Spirit Learning Alliance:
Say yes to being alive. Yes to life. Yes to your own life. Yes to each year, each day. Yes to each minute.

Imagine that life is whispering yes. Yes to all beings, and yes to you. Everything you’ve said yes to is saying yes to you. Even the things you’ve said no to are saying yes to you!

Each breath, each heartbeat, each surge across a synapse: each one says yes. Yes, all yes, all saying yes.

Yes.

Giorgione, omaggio a un poeta