Gayle Newland

“For us, that was what was normal”. In this case, always wearing a blindfold when with her “boyfriend”, putting it on before he would open the door to her, kissing and cuddling on the sofa before the television blindfolded, blindfolded during sex, blindfolded when going out together, riding in a car then being led through a building up some steps into a garden where they sunbathed. It was only when sucking her boyfriend off and finding that the scrotum “felt wrong” that she took off the blindfold and found it was her female friend in a strap-on.

Honestly, possibly. The jury believed her. The defendant, Gayle Newland, claimed that the unnamed woman victim had been her friend, meeting her as Gayle rather than as “Kye”, Gayle’s male persona, and confessing that she like Gayle was lesbian but deeply screwed up about it. There had been no deception.

As a trans woman, I find it wearing, that “sex with a woman” and “sex with a man” are held to be so different that trans folk might be criminalised for pretending. Don’t come here for legal advice: I am unclear whether the operation is what makes the difference, as I now have a vagina, or the Gender Recognition Certificate, as the laws of England and Scotland both consider I am a woman. As far as I was concerned, I was a woman when I ceased presenting male, and now am prepared to assert I was female from birth, though I would not have said so at the time.

I would make sure I had informed consent before sex. One way of considering me is “demi-sexual”, getting physical only after forming a romantic attachment; “demi-sexual” makes it sound like an orientation, but it could be having imbibed certain taboos and moral attitudes about sex. But I feel trans folk should be able to have casual sex on the same terms as anyone else- see someone through beer goggles, say “What the hell”, find somewhere quiet- without that conversation.

That was not what happened here. There was a relationship over several months.

If Gayle Newland was ashamed of wanting sex with women, being Lesbian, she still managed it. She said, “I had never spoken to any gay people and especially in those years you didn’t see gay people on television. It was quite a negative thing. I just felt that speaking to people [in real life] I couldn’t really be myself.” She is 25. For so many of us, internalised homophobia is as bad as it ever was. Could she not believe that anyone else would find her real female self attractive, or was Gayle the act, Kye the true self? Is she trans?

I don’t know whether to be pleased or horrified at the lengths someone will go, for affection. Someone who told me she was too ugly, and I had to wear a blindfold? I would want to be trusted, to see her inner beauty.

Two Guardian reports.

In October, the Court of Appeal quashed her conviction, criticising the judge’s summing up, and she was retried. On 29 June she was convicted, and released pending a sentencing hearing. The judge said that on 20th July Newland was likely to receive a “significant custodial sentence”.

The complainant, who it appears thought “Kye” was a man, texted the accused after finding out the truth. Are you for real you should be locked up for what you’ve done to me. You raped my life, my heart and soul. No amount of counselling will make up for this. you are pure evil Gayle. You are sick. I only have one question: why me? You have no explanation, Gayle, other than you are pure evil … If I had not ripped off the mask I would not have known the evil truth. She was straight. The thought of sex with a woman horrified her. A further Guardian report.

Angelo Bronzino, Venus, Cupid and Envy

Fetishes

Wxhluyp commented on my Autogynephilia page to say there is no such thing as autogynephilia. AGP is the theory that gynephile transwomen are aroused by the suggestion that we are female, and that creates dysphoria. I disagree, but Wyxlhup disagrees for a different reason. S/he says that the fantasy is not of becoming women, but of being emasculated. Being “feminized” is only the symbol of being emasculated.

Well. Whuxlyp has a wonderful-sounding phrase, “masochistic emasculation fetish”, but a quick Google shows that only Wuxlyph uses it.

Were it believed that this was a cause of transition, Trans-exclusionary feminists could argue that we should certainly not be admitted to women’s spaces, as we did not even really want to be women; and trans women, who judge ourselves harshly before transitioning, might worry that there was a possibility that this was their condition, and they should therefore resist transitioning.

Fortunately there is no research to back Wux- wxyu- wotsisname’s conjecture. All there is, is one person on a number of forums banging on about how any sort of pre-existing femininity or transgender psychology is etiologically adjunct to whatever he calls his fetish; and being told to shut up, and go away. No, that is not the primary fantasy of those of us who transition.

I am, actually, hard-wired to find ways in which I am bad. A friend said how talented I was, and I heard a judgment that I was not using my gifts well- then realised how silly that is. I am where I am.

Disclosure. I went to Wxhluyp’s site, and found an erotic picture by Prissy. I made a page, Prissie’s Sissies, (now deleted) not accessible from my home page but accessible from here, and from Tucking and Autogynephilia. I only included one involving penetration, but most had the cartoonist’s trademark erection inside panties.

I have never been tempted to “little girl” costumes like the ones in Prissy’s cartoons, but I was aroused, and that is the main motivation for collecting the pictures (through a Google image search). While searching, I found a picture of a transvestite I used to know, who is the only person who has admitted to me doing such role-play. Grayson Perry, who sometimes appears in “little-girl” dresses like no little girl ever wore is reducing shame- because of course I am tempted to the old line I may be a pervert but at least I am not as bad as him, which divides people and empowers kyriarchy.

I find the dominant women in the pictures arousing. There.  I have submissive fantasies– though as a psychiatrist told me, in fantasy I am in complete control, manipulating the dominant as well as the submissive with whom I identify. Pictures are safe, too. I tend to feel that there are no rigid boundaries between Prissy’s fantasies and mine, but they shade into each other.

I am posting here because I am ashamed of it, and I am working my shame out. But- this is now one of my most popular posts, getting views most days since it was published. Tell me: what did you want from this post? Has it given you what you want? Please leave a comment. What do you think of the women with strap-ons pictures in the comments?

Strap-on Femdom pictures

There are femdom pictures in the comments, which I hope please you.