I wrote my name tag and was surprised to be asked to note what pronouns I wanted. “She/her/hers”, of course, I thought. I was more surprised to hear that after prolonged negotiation with the University they had agreed a gender neutral bathroom. No, I would not want to use that, I wanted the women’s; and while the SNP has won the Holyrood elections, and have pledged to allow Scots to choose an undefined gender, X rather than M or F on birth certificate and passport, I doubt I will. There aren’t the complex legal hoops, being judged as enough by doctors and lawyers, either.
One person, I am fairly sure AFAB, had put “He/She/They” on his/her/their name tag. Choose for yourself. That could be defensive, so she is not hurt by misgendering or deliberately insulting pronouns, but it could also be genuinely not caring. Gender pronouns are a cultural concept, of which he does not recognise the validity. That appeals to me.
Sex and gender are both cultural and physical. The TERFs say they are solely physical. This replies that they are solely cultural: as a human being among human beings they does not recognise those cultural stereotypes, expectations, requirements. Seeking partners they seek mutual attraction rather than hetero- or homonormativity; or are perhaps asexual.
I don’t see the attraction of gender neutral bathrooms, I find the idea horrible, but I suppose that they subvert that cultural expectation too. Sex and gender are irrelevant.
There were several AFAB people there, apparently without binders, gender neutral theys rather than trans hes. I want people to find their own way. The greater the variety of choice, the better.
I met a man who said there is my lot, “The Sibyls generation”- if I had not been sensitive about turning fifty this month already, that might have set it off- and these Millennials subverting and discarding gender or sex difference, and he felt in between. He is 36. He has been on T for just three months, and has a singing teacher helping with his voice. I expressed surprise at his male-shaped chest, and he said he is wearing three binders.
A Muslim man said that there is racism in the trans community. He went to a F-M gathering, where men shared their coming out stories, and he felt they did not fit his experience as a Muslim. Everyone else was white. He needs to be with Muslim LGBT folk. Even Christians were surprised he was still Muslim, but why should we let those in the faiths who are wrong about gender and sexuality throw us out? And, although they are wrong about those things, they fit us so well in other ways.
At last it is sunny sandals weather. I have painted toe and fingernails pearlescent, and have a loose, shocking pink sundress for cycling. Someone observed how “dainty” my feet were, in the Quaker meeting, and I am delighted.