December colours by the lake

Out at 8.30 to enjoy the sunshine, meditate, and consider step four. At -3º, the usually squishy mud is hard underfoot.

The frost is beautiful. What are my characteristics? I am controlling. I am passive. I judge myself very harshly. I have very low self-esteem.

I am kind. I am truthful.

This may be the best photo of the moon I can take with my camera without a tripod. The only “defect of character” I want God to remove is my inner conflict. All wrongs stem from that.

The most powerful thing I can do is Assent, or Commit, to something.

I find these beautiful.

Mark Nepo:
The only way beyond
the self is through it. The only
way to listen to what can never
be said is to quiet our need
to steer the plot.

The self, or ego, might be a mask for the real Beyond. It can be contrived and ridiculous:

Contrast the swan, which is simply itself.

On my retreat day, a man aged 83 shows his masculine control with questions to help priests find other careers:

Who am I?
What do I like to do?
What do I do well?
What would I like to do better?
What would I like to learn about or try?
What do I know with certainty that I do not like to do because I have already given it a complete trial?
Where can I look to learn more?

Choose motivation that helps you reach what you want.

These questions are meaningless to me. I desire to spend time with beauty. I dislike that Mark Nepo verse: I am in the true self, looking back at the controlling parent, wondering what is good in it?

I want to be able to mask.
I want to be able to mask when I need to,
without thinking about it too much.
I do not want to be masked from myself.

What I love, what I seek, is Beauty.
Delight shall be my guide.

More questions:

  1. Autumn. What seed was planted when you were born? What was your birthright gift?
  2. Winter. What is dormant inside you?
  3. Spring. What (or where) is the ground in which you can grow?
  4. Summer. What is growing abundantly in your life? What is ready for harvest?

Maybe I will consider them later.

The controlling parent controlled too harshly, and the inner true self rebelled. I need to let go of the rebellion.

3 thoughts on “December colours by the lake

  1. I am pleased by this post – thank you! – for lots of reasons: I find the floating leaves beautiful too, and conclude that you are observant, mindful of small – big -beauties; I suspect that often one can go through the self to get beyond self, but that another way is to glide above, side-step. There is never only one path, and ‘A Course in Miracles’ and other texts say repeatedly that one cannot at one and the same time dignify and thus make real, a difficulty by giving it one’s attention- going through it- and also seek to ignore it…

    Though speaking as one with addictive habits, from a less saintly perspective, it is possible to become so weary of habits that we surrender them willingly, finally.

    Thank you for what you write and share, your thoughts are a comfort to me.

    Bless you.


    • Your comments comfort me.

      Why is the self? If it is just a way to deny or suppress who I truly am, it is a burden. But, does it only have value to other people oppressing me, or has it other value? What good is there in it, for the world and for me? Why do people sustain a “self”, if it is merely an encumbrance?

      Or does it suppress parts which are problematic and need suppression? Then, if I could be conscious of those parts, accepting them but not overwhelmed, I could “become an actor not a reactor”. But still it would have served a purpose, my best way of dealing with parts I could not otherwise contain.

      Your comments bless me. Thank you for being here.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Many years ago I received, ‘The sole /soul purpose of the body is for the expression of love in the physical world.’ Which got me thinking. The ego, as I understand it, is that part of self that believes it can be separate from God; whereas ‘A Course in Miracles’ teaches that any belief in separation from God is insane, therefore the ego is insane. You might find ACIM refreshing? I know that whenever I read it – not as often as I should- I find insight in every line…

    Bless you, always

    Liked by 1 person

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