Covid 19

How my life is affected by the coronavirus, so far.

It has moved quickly. On Sunday 15th I made a plan to go into London on Sunday 22nd. I would go to the Quaker meeting, have lunch with a friend, then go round the National Gallery, to the 16th century section. That Veronese was so beautiful! On Monday I thought of asking if the friend still wanted the risk of lunch out, and on Thursday we agreed to cancel it, as the pubs and restaurants closed, the Quaker meetings closed, the National Gallery closed. A lot of people have been trying online meetings for worship with Zoom.

There are 22 cases in my county though how they know, what testing is being done, I don’t know. On Tuesday evening I saw an ambulance go down my street, the sole entrance for the small estate, its lights flashing but its siren off. I have not felt fear seeing an ambulance before. After an age, it returned to the main road, again lights flashing but siren off, progressing slowly, more slowly even than a car would, there, as if it was trying not to frighten anybody. This had the opposite effect on me. Blue lights mean Emergency Now. I don’t know if they found a Covid sufferer on my estate or not.

A friend is self-isolating because his son has the symptoms. On Monday a friend came round to pick up some stuff. He is seventy, and will be self-isolating for the foreseeable future, as a heightened risk. I am worried for him.

On Wednesday 11 March, with jokes about panic-buying loo roll, I noticed there was no spaghetti in the main supermarket. Next day I bought almost the last spaghetti in Aldi. I got more than I would normally. By Tuesday 17th Aldi were restricting customers to four of any item, and there were no oatcakes. I have enough loo roll. I am frugal with loo roll, and had bought it as I would normally.

Yesterday I thought I could probably do with UHT milk and there was none of that; and I did not see any onions, the first fresh food I have noticed not available. In the supermarket people were making Blitz Spirit jokes- one said “You’ll have had a good childhood if you can remember rice”. A man chatting outside spoke of how long the queues were. I got a fresh pizza and read just after they were shutting their pizza counter.

I would feel a lot safer with a Labour government. We would not be careening towards an Anarcho-Capitalist Brexit. In Priti Patel, we have an incompetent but enthusiastically authoritarian Home Secretary. She was sacked for her personally arranged meetings in Israel, and here she is back. The Coronavirus special powers Bill authorises compulsory detention, and is being nodded through. With Labour the financial stimulus for the economy might prop up the income of the poorest. This is sensible- they would spend the money immediately, locally. With Tories I worry the stimulus will go to preserving capital values. I got an email from the letting agent- if you can’t pay the rent, please contact us, we will sort something out.

I did not mind the BBC suspending filming EastEnders, but was sad In Our Time was not recorded. They are now broadcasting repeats.

Being depressed, self-isolation is not much different from my normal lifestyle, but I look forward to the social contact I have. So I have not been blogging, and a friend emailed to ask if I was alright. Yes; just a little more depressed. I did not see anything to blog about. Not coughing and with a fever. Over fifty, the risk level is slightly raised, and I considered getting a thermometer a couple of weeks ago but still have not- and this is how the depression works, I imagine something I could do, that would be good to do, I do not do it. That friend said social isolation is how a lot of trans people live, and several I know do live like that. I am not the only one.

Another Veronese, which I saw last month. The Allegory of Love is in an octagonal room, hung at eye level though clearly designed to be viewed from below. I had liked galleries to hang paintings in one row, but these are paintings which would benefit from a higher row. I sat on a stool to look up at them, then on the floor, which improved them. I hope to see them again soon.

8 thoughts on “Covid 19

    • Thank you.

      During the campaign for equal marriage, with “Christians” energetically opposing it, I was part of a community of people reading commenting on each others’ blogs. One or two of them show up occasionally. And even then it was like being in a virtual pub- someone might sit down at the table, have a drink, chat for a bit, and then just leave- “On with my coat, and out into the night”- and be back a few days later. But with the Dread Disease, disappearance becomes more worrying.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Thanks, that helped.. l am on self-isolation myself, due to low immunity. It is all rather suddenly scary and l struggle with depression also, but that is not the persona l generally present. Today is my birthday and is gonna be a strange one. We’re planning online meetings via Zoom. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ooh! Happy birthday!

      Yeah. When I am outside with others, I do not appear depressed. When I am in bed at 10am, not wanting to get up even to get breakfast, then I am depressed and not seen.

      The human contact matters. Seeing someone through a screen is 90% of what I need.


  2. I’m not too edgy myself. I have (for now) a job. My wife is laid off. As she is only part-time we don’t know what unemployment insurance will look like (do they still call it “the dole”)? Our social safety net is different in Canada and government is enhancing it (temporarily).

    Most of what’s getting to me is other people’s anxiety. Seems almost contagious. i have a number of people I deal with nearly daily (and cannot not deal with them) who are doing some kind of awful-izing or even worse conspiracy theorizing.


    • Rational decisions change: it makes sense to get food for the long haul, so that in Aldi, the fresh meat counter was almost empty. I got black pudding and bacon. With countries shutting down, I wonder about food. Britain needs to import a lot of it.

      And I am glad you are OK. Let us encourage each other.


  3. My most-intense closeted days led to almost total isolation. Social distancing, both physically and emotionally, were deliberate attempts to remove most every connection I had with others as my male-self. Those relationships that survived have had to be rebuilt, and any new ones have been established with little, or no, recognition of my past life as a male. I hated myself for what I felt I had to do in my withdrawal, and it was a time of great depression. I’ve now come to realize that none of that really prepared me for this current social distancing and isolation – other than that not doing so could lead to tragic consequences. I am now a 69-year-old woman with an “underlying condition,” so isolation may very well save my life; the fact that I can say I am a woman now most certainly has kept me alive to face this challenge. I can feel the depression creeping in, but it’s not the same as it was for the years prior to my transition. Thank God I am not having to deal with both of those depressions at the same time.

    Still, the announcements of directives for social distancing and isolation tickle my funny bone a bit. Whenever I hear them, I give a little eye-roll and think to myself, “If you only knew what that can really mean.”


    • When I transitioned, I had friends. I had a worshipping community, I had good friends I saw weekly, I stayed in the same job and, with agreement with management, picked a day on which I would turn up for work as Clare. My social isolation has crept on since, and has accelerated since December.

      I hope the isolation saves your life. I hope there is a hospital bed with oxygen, even with intensive care, for either of us if we need it. May we have a mild cough for a few days. I am glad at least to see people here.


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