Should trans women tuck?
I always did. I experimented, and found tummy-control panties which would reliably hold me in yet were comfortable, so I could do it all day every day. Ease the testicles up into the inguinal canal that they descended from, fold the penis back between the legs, hold in place with panties. Simple. I read “sometimes I chafe so much that I bleed” and thought, she’s doing it wrong.
I never used tape. I did not tuck under a bikini, but in tight jeans or skirt there is no need for a visible bulge. And a bikini should be wearable with sticky tape cleverly applied.
Before going full time at work I wore hip pads, and they were stiff enough that the bulge would not have been identifiable; and I still tucked inside them. I never experienced any discomfort.
Tucking made me more confident. I was less likely to get spotted. It just seemed right. The testicles would usually pop down when I took my pants off but if they didn’t immediately that was OK.
And yet no trans woman should have to tuck if she does not want to. Insisting that she does is transphobic.
It’s transphobic in non-trans people, who have no right to police us or tell us the right way to be trans, and it’s transphobic in trans people. Each trans woman’s way of being trans is her business and no one else’s. The discomfort I feel when someone is not tucked, or has a beard, is internalized transphobia and I should not project it onto others.
Policing people’s presentation is a form of oppression which makes the lives of gender-variant people more difficult.
And yet I do feel that discomfort. When I did not conform to other’s ideas of how I should present they made their contempt obvious, and it hurt me. To avoid that contempt I internalized it: I feel it myself, so restrict myself to avoid it. Though the contemptuous person is miles away or dead, their contempt still works in me. Freeing myself of it is an effort, especially as what is just not done is often unconscious in me, restricting me beneath my awareness.
Don’t judge. But she’s not trying, she does not care, she can’t be a Real Transsexual! Surely she would want to look as cis as possible?
It’s transphobia, internalised, projected, oppressive. And some people are non-binary.
We hurt, and we want to score points off each other. The oneupmanship is obvious, even when we are most saccharine.
-I never won’t tuck… I am at a point in my transition where I don’t really get clocked, one simpers, showing off.
-It’s been so long that I hardly even remember what it was like tucking, replies the other, the gracious postop sharing her wisdom.
I’m doing that a bit myself, I suppose. Sharing my wisdom to be admired and evoke gratitude; but also to help.
Find how you can do it painlessly. It is worth the effort.
-Tucking can cause health problems.
Not if you’re doing it right.
And that may be me showing off, being the More Skilled Trans woman, it’s a hard habit to break.
Someone made the point that if you don’t tuck your bulge is at eye-level of small children, and they will notice. The transphobes may notice too, and use it as something to mock or belittle you, but if you tuck they will mock you for something else.
The “feminist” transphobes will use a bulge to allege you are a sexual threat. See above.
Should non-op trans women tuck life long? They should do as they please.
We should support each other not tear each other down. We should be willing to help if asked.