Looking to the future

Why think about the past? It won’t change. Think about the future! Memories of the past are only of use to help predict the future. In the New York Times, psychologists advance the theory of “Prospective psychology”- the brain is focussed on predicting the future, and thinks about it three times more than the past. Memory is a tool for predicting: three different parts of the brain recall, when, where and what happened, and are rewritten- even altered- each time you remember them. A memory might be made happier if you have more trust in the future, or harsher otherwise. It is amended to make it more relevant to now.

They describe a problem- should you accept an invitation from a colleague? You could think it through methodically, but instead you intuitively empathise with him and your future self if you accept or reject it, and decide quickly. This is fast and slow thinking.

They say depression does not come from past trauma and present stress, but from skewed visions of what lies ahead. You overestimate risk, predict failure and rejection, and fail to imagine positive outcomes. “Depressed people”- I- withdraw socially and become paralyzed by exaggerated self-doubt. It is always eerie to read about yourself.

We consider the information which will be useful to us. Animals were more interested in unfamiliar experiences than familiar ones, because they want to understand future options and possibilities. Considering the future is the brain’s “default” mode, and in breaks in current tasks, we shift to working on that. We will all die, but few spend time thinking about that because we can’t do anything about it.

I learned very young that I am worthless, and that all my instincts are wrong. I then had years of ghastly experiences at work, where I was under threat I could not combat, and in fights I could not win. I was bullied, made to doubt myself even more, and then trashed, repeatedly.

So what I have been doing here is a patient re-evaluation of myself. I am a good person. I like myself. I mean well. My desires are good, and their fulfilment worthwhile. My desires and characteristics are not what I have been taught they ought to be. I am loveable. This patient reimagining- This, not That, will make me happy, This is who I am, This is how people see me- is necessary as a foundation for going out into the World, imagining a worthwhile goal and a route to its achievement, and taking that route. And my fast thinking often leads to wrong, over-pessimistic conclusions, because it is based on false understandings- they hate and despise me therefore I had better not go there.

Unfortunately bad experiences in the present reinforce my pessimism. Getting kicked out of Wellingborough Quaker meeting makes me think everyone hates me and I will never work out how to be winsome. And the news is dreadful: the Tories are likely to win the next election, and continue attacking out-groups- immigrants, benefit claimants, queers may be next- as a way of consolidating their power. They are enthusiastically working to damage the economy and the 99% with Brexit and job prospects get poorer.

The future has never seemed real to me. If I can survive the next couple of months, I am happy as I can be. “Where do you see yourself in five years’ time?” has always been meaningless. I remember looking at a welfare rights worker, older than me, with the council, and thinking, it will be like now, but slightly worse. I can accept intellectually that a pension is a good thing to have, say, or imagine myself as an old person- seeing them walking unsteadily, seeming so weak, creeps me out- but it does not seem real to me. I don’t know how this is for others. For me it is all about surviving now.

And still, there are possibilities, and trust and respect for myself might help me see them.

New York Times, We aren’t built to live in the moment.

Positive Psychology has three central concerns: positive emotions, positive individual traits, and positive institutions. Understanding positive emotions entails the study of contentment with the past, happiness in the present, and hope for the future. Understanding positive individual traits consists of the study of the strengths and virtues, such as the capacity for love and work, courage, compassion, resilience, creativity, curiosity, integrity, self-knowledge, moderation, self-control, and wisdom.

3 thoughts on “Looking to the future

  1. I wish my therapists had told me this, “They say depression does not come from past trauma and present stress, but from skewed visions of what lies ahead.” That makes lots of sense to me.

    I commiserate with how you felt after the Wellingborough Quaker meeting incident. But as you say, you are a good person, deserving of all the love and respect of any human. Regardless of the future that we cannot control (politics, terrorism, economics) you are always who you are: a delightful and good person.

    That said I was terribly sorry to hear about the attack at the Manchester stadium. I cannot understand the evil that foments that kind of attack. After 9/11/01 I was thinking of moving into the central U.S., away from the Silicon Valley, to protect myself and my family. My wife disagreed saying that we must remain strong and demonstrate our strength by staying put and carrying on with our lives. I think she was correct. It doesn’t help us to run and hide. Don’t allow a skewed vision of the future to upset you, at least too much.

    Liked by 1 person

    • More Americans are shot dead by toddlers than killed by terrorists.

      This is an interesting article by an emergency planner. Yes we need to live our lives without undue fear for very unlikely happenings, but we need a time to mourn and express horror for an attack like this on teen and tween girls.

      And we need to know our beauty and value. Ours is not inferior manliness, but perfect us-ness.

      Like

      • Dear Clare, I greatly appreciated that article and I hope everyone here reads it. The writer provides a professional perspective on emergency planning that we (certainly me) have no awareness of, and speaks with authority on just what you said: take time to mourn.

        I also agree completely that we need to appreciate ourselves. Glad to say that I’m doing this these days. It’s a remarkable feeling to feel good in my skin without the shame and depression I wrestled with for so long.

        Liked by 1 person

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