Seeing myself as a trans woman

Facebook, again. I feel like I’m not good enough to be a girl. I don’t feel feminine enough. I get misgendered all the time.

I am not a woman. But I don’t have to be. There is no pass mark. I have a Y chromosome, which is often thought of as disqualifying. If I have to be a woman, think, act, look like a woman, I will always worry I am failing. I have to be me. I can’t fail at that unless I think I do.

I still want to dress female, but why not if I want to?

I can be terribly negative. I am not a woman, I think, and that leads on to OhmyGod I’m a fake, fraud, failure- ridiculous, never should have done this… Whereas, it could be liberating. I am not a woman. So, no need to pass!

Dividing people into “men” and “women” makes no sense in modern society. It is the foundation of patriarchal oppression. Let it fade away.

And then I read this article on “Colour-blindness”. White people affect to be “colour-blind”, not noticing colour, but is that really the case? Try it in a room full of black people. I have only been in a black-majority room once: the white people sat together. Black people cannot be colour-blind, he wrote: they always notice. “Colour-blind” is part of privilege, part of being the default default. On that analogy, males, brought up to be assertive and still the cultural default- a female fbfnd shared something in sexist language only yesterday- have not earned the right to express ourselves as women. I am not good enough to be a girl.

Let the one without sin cast the first stone. Most of us benefit from one or another kind of privilege or oppression. Yes, it matters, and this is the way I am. I dress in clothes from third world sweat shops, even if I wear clothes out and buy from charity shops.

All of us are supported by others- sometimes the support is given under duress. I recognise that. I oppose it- well, you know, I share articles, sign petitions and talk earnestly to friends. We do what we can.

5 thoughts on “Seeing myself as a trans woman

  1. it is very important to see yourself as a human being first instead of a gender stereotype. How you feel inside, how you dress, how you express yourself and with what mannerisms are external but don’t contain your spiritual essence. Yes you can be who you need to be and that’s good enough. Many cis women are (for various reasons mis-gendered too…does that make them less of a woman?

    Liked by 1 person

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