Facebook, again. I feel like I’m not good enough to be a girl. I don’t feel feminine enough. I get misgendered all the time.
I am not a woman. But I don’t have to be. There is no pass mark. I have a Y chromosome, which is often thought of as disqualifying. If I have to be a woman, think, act, look like a woman, I will always worry I am failing. I have to be me. I can’t fail at that unless I think I do.
I still want to dress female, but why not if I want to?
I can be terribly negative. I am not a woman, I think, and that leads on to OhmyGod I’m a fake, fraud, failure- ridiculous, never should have done this… Whereas, it could be liberating. I am not a woman. So, no need to pass!
Dividing people into “men” and “women” makes no sense in modern society. It is the foundation of patriarchal oppression. Let it fade away.
And then I read this article on “Colour-blindness”. White people affect to be “colour-blind”, not noticing colour, but is that really the case? Try it in a room full of black people. I have only been in a black-majority room once: the white people sat together. Black people cannot be colour-blind, he wrote: they always notice. “Colour-blind” is part of privilege, part of being the default default. On that analogy, males, brought up to be assertive and still the cultural default- a female fbfnd shared something in sexist language only yesterday- have not earned the right to express ourselves as women. I am not good enough to be a girl.
Let the one without sin cast the first stone. Most of us benefit from one or another kind of privilege or oppression. Yes, it matters, and this is the way I am. I dress in clothes from third world sweat shops, even if I wear clothes out and buy from charity shops.
All of us are supported by others- sometimes the support is given under duress. I recognise that. I oppose it- well, you know, I share articles, sign petitions and talk earnestly to friends. We do what we can.