I have not had a spiritual experience at Greenbelt.
I have not developed a new ability to enter Mindful Presence. I could walk up from the Glamping by a less well used avenue into the main site, over short grass, between mature trees, and if I was having a bit of a whinge to myself I could just stop and see the beauty of where I was and the beauty of the sky. Pause- There. It is easier, of course, when you are somewhere beautiful but you can do this anywhere, with practice. I have not had a spiritual experience at Greenbelt. I have been reminded how mindful presence is beautiful, and that it is worthwhile to practise it.
I have not found Authentic communication. I have had some good conversations: a youth, still at school, told me he came out to his parents three days before. He knows no other gay boys in his year, only one in his school. He wants to set up an LGBT society, and wondered how he could make it welcoming for the T. A curate in her thirties demonstrating what her “Prime” means- physically beautiful, and gaining mature presence and confidence- told me, as the ordinary development of the conversation, “I told my husband if he had an affair I would cut his balls off”. I have not had a spiritual experience at Greenbelt, to make me suddenly Spiritual and Sorted and OK. I have had authentic communication, and seen yet again that only authentic communication has value; and that pretending to feel what one ought to feel, or conversation designed to find what one ought to feel, comes from the outer circles of Hell. I have been reminded authentic communication is possible, and that I must make my communications authentic.
I have not developed self-confidence. Someone whom I might never see again told me “You are beautiful”, and perhaps if I keep that in mind it will take. I am beautiful, physically and spiritually. Someone else told me how gifted, intelligent and articulate I am, and I did not deny it, and I am feeling less guilty than I did for being where I am, for I have always used my gifts and I will continue to use them; they have always blessed other people, and I want that blessing to increase. I have not had a spiritual experience at Greenbelt, but I have seen the need to see where I am, see possibilities, forgive lapses, not judge myself against some imaginary perfect me but improve my performance, and keep beginning this again. I have found things I need to practise.
And I have a new affirmation:
I am Abigail
and I am beautiful, physically and spiritually.
I am gifted, intelligent, articulate
and I can use these gifts to bless myself and others.
I may not have had a Lifechanging Spiritual Experience- but I did get a kazoo!
This isn’t the magnum opus either. You will recognise the magnum opus.