Female Embodiment fantasies

It is a common erotic fantasy among people with testicles to imagine themselves with women’s bodies- men, as well as M-Fs. Julia Serano calls these “Female embodiment fantasies”.

There is a huge range of sexual fantasies. In fantasy you are completely in control- if in my fantasy I am being “dominated” I still choose what the Domme will do. We fantasise about things we would never do- murder fantasies gave some relief to me, and to far more people than the number of actual murderers. So people cannot be classified by our fantasies. When I fantasise about doing something, or having something done to me, I fantasise about my body, and I fantasised about my body being female or being made to appear female from my mid teens. The fantasy aroused me sexually. Now I have attained my female body, with my breasts and vagina, expressing myself feminine, I have fewer such fantasies. Because I am attracted to women, I am more likely to fantasise about women’s bodies sexually- my own, or my fantasy partner’s- than androphilic trans women.

Cis women have this fantasy too. Serano argues this is because our culture is so male-centric: women are judged on their sexual attractiveness, and objectified. She does not comment on gay men’s fantasies.

I first read about FEFs through the site Transsexual Women’s Resources, run by Anne Lawrence. She had useful gen on various vaginoplasty surgeons, and the essay Men trapped in men’s bodies, now expanded into a book. It explained the theory of autogynephilia, the theory that lesbian trans women transitioned because of these fantasies. We fantasised so much about being women that we sought surgery to reify our fantasies. Serano says, and I agree, that we should cease to use the term “autogynephilia” because it has been associated with the theory that these fantasies cause gender dysphoria. That theory is merely silly. One fantasises about what one finds erotic, not about random things which then become erotic. Why would a man without gender dysphoria imagine himself to be a woman? Gender dysphoria causes FEFs, not the other way around. Or at least, correlation does not prove causation. Without clear evidence to the contrary, it is more likely that dysphoria causes female embodiment fantasy.

The term “autogynephilia” pathologises trans women’s experience, and conceptualises the fantasy as the cause of the dysphoria. The term FEF describes it. As the fantasy is unlikely to cause the dysphoria, the term autogynephilia should not be used. I now have a page called “autogynephilia”, which I may rewrite completely: for that page should describe what is, and spend less time describing what is not. I may rename the page, too, but right now the false term is well known and recognisable; I want the term female embodiment fantasy to eclipse it. The words we use to describe things are so powerful!

“Crossdreaming” is the other word for the fantasies. That word decouples the fantasy from the action of transition: crossdreamers may transition, or may not.

I heard of Julia‘s term from Joanna Santos through T-Central, the portal for trans blogs where you can find all kinds of trans experience.

I am grateful to Calie of T-Central for sharing this post. Her sharing gets me far more publicity than I would otherwise get. And- by eck you’re a shy lot. Comment! Like! Let us encourage each other!

Blake, Wise and foolish virgins

16 thoughts on “Female Embodiment fantasies

  1. Clare that is great news because the more of us that stop using this dreadful term and understand precisely what it is supposed to mean the more we will be helping to finally put it to rest in the dung heap of bad and simplistic pseudoscience!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. People are commenting on Reddit:

    -Well this doesn’t really say much I do agree that there are people who have female embodiment fantasies as a result of gender dysphoria. There are others who have them as a result of other sexual fantasies, like the cis males of forced feminization crowd… While both are valid experiences, as an asexual trans woman, I can also say they’re not universal. So they have a context and a deep meaning, but they’re more or less an aside for people with gender dysphoria.

    -This is interesting. I am an intersex person, I have spent a lifetime with one foot in both worlds, both physically and mentally. The brain is the most complex organ in the body by far, thus an “intersex” condition is far more likely to occur in the brain than anywhere else. This is why transgenderism is more common than intersexuality, but it is in essence the same thing. If your brain is feminized, you will think feminine thoughts, and that includes sexual thoughts, no great surprise there. Everything is biology, no matter how many ideologues try and deny it.

    -“Gender dysphoria causes FEFs, not the other way around.”

    Sort of like arguing that monotheism causes religion, not the other way around. Talk about chasing your own tail and completely missing the point! The idea that gender dysphoria is intrinsic is essential to crossdreaming and I think the fetish works best when you believe it. Some days I wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then.

    -They should explain to me, how is it, that once I am done orgasming, and lose any sort of hornyness. Why is it that every piece of feminine feeling or anything related to this vanishes?

    What, do I have genderfluidity triggered by hornyness? That sounds a bit like a fetish to me, but I wouldn’t know.

    Make of these what you will.


  3. As I always say, I was a fairly average trans kid, when I hit puberty what fantasies do people think I had?

    Hint: Not about being a big hairy bloke rogering a tiny blond woman.

    “Gender dysphoria (GD) causes FEFs, not the other way around” of course it does, otherwise people would have different fantasies. If you look at it statistically how many have a FEF? What 1%, 5%?. Probably about the same number that have some level (even is just sub-critical) of GD.
    It is fairly simple, if you don’t have some level of GD you won;t be turned on by imagining being female and having sex. It is like having a gay fantasy, you have to have some level of bisexuality otherwise it will turn you off, maybe not enough to ever do anything physical about it. but enough to sometimes fantasise.


  4. I am scared. I remember as a teenager I had fantasies of being a woman when I was pleasuring myself. I tried to avoid that but they came naturally to my brain. I also had the urge to try other women’s underwear/clothes (exgirlfriend or sister), when they weren’t there, although I felt bad for it and avoided it but while wearing it I felt completely exited. I also had fantasies of being a woman when being intimate with exgf, which I tried to block but I felt natural when I let them run in my head. I remember having thoughts like if I could be born again I would be a lesbian woman, but then be superscared and try to avoid thinking that. I do remember having fantasies of having the body of women I fell in love with, which was pretty awkward to me but at the same time I felt good. I sometimes think of what it would be like to live as a female, but I feel like I don’t want to explore further because I want to be male, I just don’t want the pain of transitioning and social stigma it carries, plus loosing the privilege I have for being a man. Some days I look at myself in the mirror and think I like being male and I would like to be more masculine. Other times specially when I try female clothes on, I would love to have femenine curves, female face and vagina. And when I think of myself in sexual terms, I would prefer a vagina to that meat stick I have (but I still feel comfortable with having it and I am not sure if I would want kids). I remember I had a brief period when I thought that I could be transgender some years ago, but then I was scared and buried it, but it seems like years later I am again fascinated with transition topics, and still have autogynephilic fantasies from time to time. I have had fought with the urge to buy female clothes kind of successfuly although last week I had the urge to transform some boxers into woman clothes. I felt femenine while wearing it and I liked it, but felt I don’t want to dig deep as I don’t want to end transitioning. When I watch pictures of successful srs I feel like I would like to be like them and get extremely aroused, but at the same time I don’t want to face irreversible consequences or regret the consequences of exploring things (don’t want to take hormones), health consequences scare me, specially the impact of losing the genitalia and how can the lack of make hormones affect the rest of my body in terms of if I would be less healthy or face worse health conditions when old. In some way I feel like I am maybe the classic example of late onset, and in drnial, but I want to be different, I would like not to end up being transgender, I would like to be able to solve it and remain a man. But I also feel like I want to explore the path it’s like an internal battle. I feel if I explore too much I will end up wanting to transition, but that if somehow I managed to just box it to some kind of role play, maybe I would be able to control it enough as to still be a man (although I feel it’s kind of a lost battle, I want to fight it I would like to be the exception).


    • Welcome, Nat. Thank you for sharing. You will have to decide what you want to do. But you only have to decide what you want to do today: not whether you will transition in a year’s time, but whether you will buy some clothes of your own.


  5. Late to the party here. I have a lot in common with Nat, above. I have for years had these fantasies, but I limited it to the bedroom, with or without partners. It’s kind of progressed over time, from just fantasies, to clothes & breast forms. I once questioned if I was trans, only to do some research and find that there was something called “autogynephilia” (the best word I had to describe it at the time). I never agreed with the premise that ALL trans women were either admitted autogynephiles, androphiles who needed an excuse, or lying; that’s ridiculous. But I had found an explanation, so I stopped exploring this topic. Only very recently did I start to question things again.

    I am torn in a place where 1) I feel great when I dress up as a woman (I feel “right”). I have a desire for other people to see me as a woman as well (in public). I have a desire to be the submissive role in bed (and also to go through dating apps with the EXPECTATION that I’ll be the submissive one rather than having to ask for it). And I’ve more and more been able to express a feminine side of myself. I even have something like “Freudian slips” sometimes where my inner monologue refers to me as a female. But the flip side is 2) I feel like I’m lying to myself if I say I have gender dysphoria. A couple of those reddit comments hit home for me:

    “The idea that gender dysphoria is intrinsic is essential to crossdreaming and I think the fetish works best when you believe it.”

    “They should explain to me, how is it, that once I am done orgasming, and lose any sort of hornyness. Why is it that every piece of feminine feeling or anything related to this vanishes?”

    I have a similar experience, where for the ten minutes or so after sex, I don’t feel the same affinity (poor choice of word?) for femininity. And an argument could be made that that proves I’m not gender-dysphoric. But at the same time, that ten minutes is a VERY short period to base life decisions on, right? If I feel like I want to be a woman in the 99% of the time that ISN’T after-sex, should that be my guidestone?

    I know my next steps here. I need to go out in public presenting as a woman (probably anonymously), and I need to live around the house as a woman for extended periods of time. I need to get past the initial sexual arousal phase of dressing up (which has historically, for me, only been in the leadup to sex), and get to what might be called the “boring” part of being a woman (or a human being!). Lounging around in sweatpants and a t shirt, doing the laundry, watching tv. I also plan to try on femininity in other ways: scented lotions (my GOD how long I’ve put that off for fear of people smelling me and suspecting something); shaving my armpits, etc; subtle makeup. I’m excited to try these things. I’m just scared that I will never hit 100% certainty either way about what I really am. I’ve always been a very doubtful person.

    Thanks for your post, Clare. And for providing a space to vent/discuss.


    • Welcome, T. Thank you for commenting.

      All I have written about “autogynephilia”, I take from Julia Serano. Later, she made it clearer: AGP does not exist. If a man fantasises about sex with men then has sex with men and identifies as gay, it would be ludicrous to say the fantasies cause the orientation. It is the same with trans. Fantasies do not cause a desire to express female.

      And it is a long, hard road to transition. I wish you luck with it.


All comments welcome.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.