Decisions and experiences

I decided the strawberries were too expensive. Then I bent over to get my purse out, and caught their smell. I had to have them. There is the change of decision.

It does not feel like free will, but more like a series of stimuli producing a response. That was the response from those stimuli. Had I not smelled the rich, sweet, distinctive strawberry aroma, the sight of them would not have been enough. And as so often with strawberries, one or two have the flavour to match that aroma, and others are disappointingly bland, and they go bad so quickly! That thinking response, considering past and future, was overridden by the impulse from the direct sensual experience.

I am normally controlled about my food. I eat sensibly, I buy for meals I think through in advance, I treat myself with a bit of chocolate. I eat the same things and have the makings in, so that I can cook something hot if I need to shop but can’t be bothered. I don’t experiment. I have enjoyed gnawing corn off a cob, and the same day as the strawberries I saw some, bought them, and found how to cook them- boil or microwave, many websites will tell you. Cook them more if they are older, less if just off the plant.

I bought them. That was spontaneous, I suppose.

What would different look like? Learning more about cooking, perhaps.

It felt like a touch of freedom. The aroma assailed me, and I did what I wanted in that moment. I don’t think I could seek out such experiences, as how would I know where to find them? I might bend over in the same way, see an insect or a bit of rot, and be repelled. I said Yes to that experience, when I say No so much. I want more such moments. Being sensible feels safe-
or shrivelled-

Margaretta Angelica Peale, Strawberries and cherries

2 thoughts on “Decisions and experiences

  1. Clare. Thank you for your blog. For those of us so inflicted it is amazing to read your honest. There are so many who have spent their life binding (inference intended) their psyches that your blog allows us to open up, at least in our own minds, and feel moments of freedom. Bless you. And thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

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