LGBT space

I don’t see what is. My reaction is my stuff, sometimes projected.

I loved the article, “Dear Straight allies, please don’t come to Pride until you have understood these six things”. Especially when it said don’t come If your thought process is “gays are okay but I don’t get the whole trans thing…” This is our space, where we don’t have to pretend to be normal, where we will not risk assault for holding hands, where we can be ourselves and meet people like us. Slate then had an article on bachelorette parties behaving obnoxiously in gay space- going on the stage when a drag queen was performing, like disruptive tourists: changing the atmosphere, and making it about them.

However, I have had bad reactions in gay bars. Via Fossa, which had the best food on Canal St at the time and was a pleasant place for me to introduce my feminine side to my father, had gorgeous decor- lots of woodwork taken from deconsecrated churches- and atmosphere, and in there I remember a man screeching out, “Hello Girls!!!” at me and another trans woman. We were a shy lot. Lots of us just went to the Northern Concord of a Wednesday, got changed in the pub, and stayed in the upstairs bar. The more adventurous went out round the gay bars.

Anyway, I felt uncomfortable at the local LGBT gathering, one Thursday night a month. There’s a group of butch lesbians loving each others’ company, and a group of gay men at a different table, and in between there’s me, quiet and a bit embarrassed. When most people had gone home and there were a few gay men and me left, I enjoyed the conversation more. I felt nervous: sorry if this sounds a bit like an angsty teen’s diary, my goal for my fifties is to complete teenage.

I stopped going to trans and LGBT events when I transitioned. I will go back, but it is nervous exploration rather than jumping in enthusiastically to a place where I fit.

Slate, The lady invasion.

You need to understand.

Paul Signac, portrait of Felix Feneon (3)

10 thoughts on “LGBT space

  1. What a gorgeous picture! Thank you.

    ‘….where we don’t have to pretend to be normal,…’ Is this not the crux? I don’t see you as anything other than normal. Never have, whatever you do. I have my own particular reasons for loathing the concept of normality, but still, I do think our culture has a lot to answer for, in its failure to embrace all sorts. Other cultures are perfectly happy with different states of being and we can learn from them. In the same way that, I believe, the inuit have dozens of words for ‘snow’, and we have only a half dozen, there are cultures that recognise a half dozen genders where we recognise only two. As a transgender woman, you have to identify as female. That is partly due to our insistence on binary, I believe. Whatever way we work our rigid system, It is our loss.

    Thank you for this post. 🙂 xx


    • It is a pain: the more you want to fit in, the more impossible it becomes. I do not even fit in there, it feels. I will give it up eventually.

      Here is the whole thing. It is Paul Signac’s portrait of Félix Fénéon.

      Signac, portrait of Felix Feneon

      In Mindfulness- 25 ways to live in the moment through art, Christophe André explains despite the cacophony of the background, the subject concentrates on the most important thing, the lily in his hand. But the swirl of the background is a good image for the variety and drama of the world- do not classify it, but experience it, for it may not be controlled.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. What will you give up, eventually? You can’t stop being what you are, and you are always beautiful. (!!) It doesn’t matter what you wear, or how you appear to others. You are part of woman’s lodestar.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank God! For a moment, I thought you might mean – Heavens to Betsy! – a return to obscure personal loathing as someone you would rather not be. Phew! I can breathe again. Not limping, but flying, indeed, indeed. Shall we fly together? Within the wings of our difference, we illuminate new worlds. (((XXX)))

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Western culture does seem to insist on binary options when it comes to gender and sexuality. This is something Polynesian societies have been much more relaxed with. This has rubbed off on the Pakeha population to some extent, but on the other hand Christian fundamentalism has been taken up by Pacifica more so than in the wider NZ population. Never the less, I get the impression that Maori and other Pacific peoples are more visible in the LGBT community than other groups.

    I look forward to the day when diversity is valued more than normality.


      • In the NZ context it refers to the cultures of the Pacific, or more specifically those such as Samoa, Tonga, Cook Islands, Fiji, Niue, Tahiti, Tokelau, Tuvalu and Kiribati. With some of these nations, the majority of the population resides in NZ, not in their homeland.


Talk to me.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.