Ah. I’m blogging again. Oh well, I suppose putting it into words helps get it clear in my own mind.
Sitting, here, I note my body language, alternating. Thighs crossed. Arms crossed at the crotch, hands hanging down the opposite side. Closed, protective only if still, because there is not even the chance of running away. And, legs slightly apart, arms apart, resting loosely on legs, palms upward, head up. Open. One extreme or the other.
Complementary, not conflicting
And, protecting- arms crossed, legs crossed- yet open, head up, alert, not down in fear.
And- a way of making me conscious of it. I notice, my body language is closed. Ah: I am afraid- or, recovering, recuperating, preparing.
I can trust. “There is nothing to be afraid of, here.” Is that voice demanding or cajoling, angry and frightened, or reassuring?
I am a flibbertigibbet, fascinated by folderol, frippery and flim-flam, and I can be serious sometimes. I hadn’t got that pink lipgloss out for some time, and it stuck my lips together. Check in the mirror, no, it’s OK, the gloss does not make bars across my mouth as I open it, which break forming little points- that would look silly- yet I might be able to mime- ooh, can I open my mouth?
Would that joke come across? Point it up. Mime- stretch it- then, “Gosh, this lip gloss is sticky”
Someone called me, “brave”. It made my heart flutter with happiness. I turn the word in my mouth, tasting it.
This is intensely serious. How may I be in the world? How may I be with other people? How may I escape from the Hell where I shut down aspects of myself, lock them in a box, so that I may survive? For I am more resilient than I feared, I may survive with less self-protection
I make no sense to me at all, and I so want to make sense
I see the bravery, though I need it pointed out sometimes. I see the Love, and it is Lovely, and I love it.
A quote from Rick Hanson, via the One Spirit Learning Alliance:
Say yes to being alive. Yes to life. Yes to your own life. Yes to each year, each day. Yes to each minute.
Imagine that life is whispering yes. Yes to all beings, and yes to you. Everything you’ve said yes to is saying yes to you. Even the things you’ve said no to are saying yes to you!
Each breath, each heartbeat, each surge across a synapse: each one says yes. Yes, all yes, all saying yes.