a male “radical feminist”

If you spent all your waking hours reading radical feminists on the net saying how awful trans are, you would barely scratch the surface of it. There are blogs and forums almost entirely dedicated to such outpourings. Kiwifarms, which laughs at the most extreme inhabitants of the hugboxes, now has a forum on such things, where I read “if a man feels so entitled to having society validate his fetishes and misogyny that he’d kill himself if he isn’t catered to, then his suicide would be a relief to others.” That’s us told: that we kill ourselves is no ground for easing up on the hatred, and so no suffering of ours is enough to make them relent. The following page of that forum becomes a debate on what a trans woman should undergo to allow us to use women’s loos, and whether anything is enough. When someone starts listing cross-dressing sex offenders and their offences, Kiwifarms becomes what it had been satirising. Fortunately, someone points that up by saying “I don’t understand why we don’t call them transvestites anymore”.

“The proportion of men must be reduced to and maintained at approximately 10% of the human race”. That is a quote from Sally Miller Gearhart, first open lesbian to gain a tenure-track faculty position in the US, now often used to show how feminists are anti-men but useful for a lesbian in the 1970s to fight back against her erasure.

I agree that feminism has a right to anger– another article written by a man- especially this bit: Should feminists turn their anger into rage? Never. Rage is aimless, painful, pointless and ill-conceived. Should they turn it into a blazing passion and a welcome desire to make the world a better place? The answer is a resounding yes, and I’d argue that’s what most feminists do. I tend to feel undirected rage can often develop into righteous anger, but that is a quibble.

I get why personal remarks can be objectionable. Yesterday two women told me how pretty my dress was, and in one case I felt overpowered- and liked it. She expressed surprise that I did not know the flowers on my dress were hellebore. That pleasure I feel is at the heart of some women’s objections.

The answer has to come in empathy and the human encounter. There is the desire, say, to have a leg removed and perhaps never walk properly again, in a living human being. See the distress of the person with this unwanted leg. Because our desires make no sense- all humans, not just trans folk- reducing discourse to common-sense rational argument cannot fit human beings. Or at least, the desires that do make sense- a good career, a family, a house and pension fund- are less overwhelming than the ridiculous ones.

I accept women’s anger, though think it would be better directed against FGM, or restriction of reproductive rights, than against trans women. That might make a real difference to women’s lives, and in the case of trans women, the anger is often directed against the cis women who welcome and accept us.

But men who argue against accepting trans women have no such excuse. They are bullies who delight in bullying a weak marginalised group, for no purpose, and feel entitled by their male privilege. Someone angry because she feels forced into conventional femininity, disliking mine, has a reason. A man from male privilege disrespecting femininity is disrespecting a large proportion of the human race.

Monet, Poplars on the Epte

13 thoughts on “a male “radical feminist”

  1. You manage to speak so calmly and clearly on issues with huge emotional attachment. It is not anyone’s place to judge others for choices about their own selves. I do not understand the hatred and admire you for acknowledging it so calmly and simply suggesting it be redirected. Go you! I’m off to find out what a hellebore looks like!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello! Welcome. Thank you.

      I love your moniker.

      I have lots of practice, considering evangelical Christianity. My delight, my fulfilment, is in building bridges, it is just my character. But also I want to win over people who are not so engaged with the issue. I won’t persuade the people Kiwifarms mocks there, but I might have more success with undecided folk if I sound reasonable.

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  2. You know if one puts their mind to one could go mad from paying attention to all that is said or done about an issue but at the end of the day it is only individuals that say or do something so womens anger us not really womens anger but just anger if those who express it etc etc – such is life and it is diverse so I stick to which is positive for me and if some woman told me my dress wad pretty – wow – i go with itand smile xx

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  3. That first quote from Kiwifarm is horrendous! But it makes me understand what I couldn’t get my head round (and what Arb refused to discuss), just why these people have such a horrible attitude towards other people using public toilets. It’s obvious that for such a petty issue to even become a conversation, there’s an underlying irrational hatred they attach to a ‘reason’.

    “I accept women’s anger, though think it would be better directed against FGM, or restriction of reproductive rights, than against trans women.”
    Well, yes. It would be better directed against something that harms women, rather than at something that harms women, or any people at all.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s not just toilets, it is safe space generally. The debate has gone on for decades about the Michigan Womyn’s Festival.

      The first quote comes from the point of arguing: there is this debating point on the other side, and we work out ways to neutralise it.

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  4. “if a man feels so entitled to having society validate his fetishes and misogyny that he’d kill himself if he isn’t catered to, then his suicide would be a relief to others.” – This quote makes me feel physically sick. Whatever the reasoning these people have against trans it is rooted in a twisted, dark soil within them and watered with ignorance.

    Have you ever seen a play called ‘Tuesdays at Tesco’ Clare? I saw it a few months ago and the role was played by a transgender friend of a friend. She was magnificent in it, and I’m going to watch it again in April with some other friends, as I believe it needs more exposure. Simon Callow took on the role a few years ago but was not well received in it and I think that actually being trans makes a huge difference to the part.

    I’d only ever met she as ‘he’, previously, and then ended up sat next to her, Samantha, in a bar a few weeks ago with some friends of mine. She was shining, beautiful, and we got on like a house on fire. As ‘he’ I had always found a spiky and harsh, angry person, unapproachable, however, knowing a few people like that, thought nothing of it. After seeing the play and finding out who she was, I understood why that anger had been there and will be there when she feels she has to be someone she just isn’t. I said to her that I found her so easy to chat to Samantha, but very hard to get on with Scott, and she replied that many people said this, and it is because she’s able to be herself as Sam. Of course. It all made absolute sense. Her daughter of eighteen had recently become very accepting of who her dad really was she told me, and I saw such a wealth of emotion in her eyes as she told me this. We were also the most glamorous pair in the bar, which was nice too.

    esme upon the Cloud

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  5. Oh dear.

    Two, count them, two cases of transgender individuals committing sexual assaults on minors. The vast majority of sexual assaults on minors are of course cisgender heterosexual men. But guess what? Cisgender heterosexual women make up the second highest group of sexual offenders on minors. Transgender people, intersex people, genderfluid people, gay men, lesbian women are WAY down the list. So, using the writer’s own logic, should we then reduce the heterosexual population? Believe me, as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse by an adult male (who was otherwise straight – sexual abuse is about control, not gratification), I have in my darker moments considered that.

    Likewise anyone who has done any research into sexual abuse knows that many of attackers are not necessarily transgender or even genderfluid, but are far more likely to be fetishtic. As cishet society does generally, where the TERFs make the mistake is conflating gender with sexuality. As you and I both know, Clare, gender most certainly does have a sexual dynamic, but that is not the main drive of being transgender or genderfluid. And if any cis people reading this are failing to understand that, just ask yourself if your sexuality defines your gender. No? Thought not. Exactly the same applies to transgender and genderfluid people.

    Seems to me that some of these people have watched Psycho once too often. Strangely enough transgender / genderfluid people are not all emulating Norman Bates, who in the movie was NOT transgender / genderfluid but psychologically disturbed.

    But then, it also seems to me that some men have been too pussy-whipped by misandrist women who have their balls in their purses. Oh yes, I went there.

    Luvs,

    Xandra xxx

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