I hate myself

Googling “I hate myself”, with quotes, produces 902,000 responses. Images are dark with text like “I lie I cut I’m a terrible person I’m lonely” and “Everyone is better prettier skinnier funnier than me”. I am unsure what to make of “I hate myself but that’s OK”.

We kill ourselves because we hate ourselves. I wonder how common it is? Trigger warning, below, for sexual violence- the actual text is minimised and there is a further warning.

I loathe the first entry on Google. Figure out what you CAN change and do it!

If you don’t like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today. Maybe you don’t like your weight you can start eating properly, and getting exercise TODAY! Has he any idea how difficult people find dieting, and what comfort people get from eating? Possibly they could find better comfort in exercise, the runner’s high, but they need to know the mechanism. It is not so simple. The next suggestion, find out what friends and family value about you, is better.

How common is self-loathing? According to Psychology for Everyday Life, most of us. It tells us to challenge our Inner Critic.

Liz Jones hated herself and found herself inadequate despite being a successful writer who went to receptions at the House of Commons. “My male side has retreated, meaning people don’t respect me.” Useful information for trans women. When she had just started primary school, some older boys

trigger warning for sexual violence: highlight to reveal text

pushed her into the boy’s loos, stripped her and repeatedly kicked her.

Would that-

I feel that hating myself performs a useful function. It holds me in restraint. This could be useful for any number of people- first my parents, then bosses, anyone but me.

I felt decades ago that I was at war with myself, that I pulled in different directions.

I wonder if saying “I hate myself” is a superficial, emotional reaction for some people. You get upset, you feel you have made a mistake, you hate yourself. Then there is the deep, settled, constant loathing.

Hello.

It sits under consciousness, manifesting as anxiety and depression, sometimes surfacing as the inner critic- manifesting that control for the behoof of others-

I want to see it and recognise it.

I hate myself. I hate my reactions, my responses, my weakness, my hiding and running away, my failures.

Perhaps it comes from not being loved as a baby.

Hello, back.

Yes. It has been so difficult, terrifying, enraging. All that feeling which is so hard to admit, which is shit me.

I want to pay that respect. It has served a function. It has been so strong. All that pent up rage. I wonder if I can loosen it: talk to it, calmly and reasonably: make friends with it, because it is part of me.

Blake the mission of virgil- inferno

8 thoughts on “I hate myself

  1. Getting rid of or starting not to like so much some things we like that others have and think we don’t have but would want would be a good way to start shaving off some of the self-hate or self-loathing people have. Comparing oneself to others is another source – feel so lucky for having stopped singling out some people as idols among human beings and just going with whatever comes for all are idols

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  2. I am arrested by a comment at the start, and don’t even pause to read the rest of your entry.

    We don’t just kill ourselves because we hate ourselves. Though research is obviously a bit difficult here, we kill ourselves because we find overwhelming, difficult, endlessly filled with pain. (‘If only I could get away from this, I would be fine’.) I don’t think that motivation equates with self hatred.

    I hope this is merely an interesting exercise for you, and not based on your own feelings of negativity. If it is, I have a few theories about that, which we could share. If you like. xxxxx

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    • If you have read to the end of the post, you will see it is based on ancient feelings of negativity, mostly suppressed below consciousness. I am at my usual game of bringing the unconscious to consciousness and accepting it, making friends with it, finding value in it, seeking to use it.

      I agree we feel endless pain, sometimes, and seeking relief might motivate suicide; yet at one point I considered my hand. I do not like killing spiders, yet my hand is equally complex and beautiful: how could I kill that?

      Right now I am feeling low, but not suicidal.

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  3. Thank you 🙂 When we consider ourselves just as we are, I agree, it is much harder to go back to the old, damaging ruts of self hatred. So, I guess, I try to stay in NOW because it is so much easier to merely accept beauty from here. xxxxxxx

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    • This morning, the thought crossed my mind: “That was fucking stupid and useless because You’re [ie, I am] fucking stupid and useless.” Oh, right, I think: I am really upset about that one. This is how it manifests in consciousness. That’s OK.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Yes! Exactly. When we are making real progress, the hostility can be really acute. (But, it is a good sign, see? Means that we are making progress!) So, so pleased for you. Clare, you are an angel. (((xxxx)))

    Liked by 1 person

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