Be/ Do

It’s always a bad question to ask scientists what something is. We tend not really to know what things really are but what they do, and what their effects are. I was dozing at 4am with Radio 4, and this struck me as brilliant. It is a physicist’s answer rather than a geologist’s, and a physiologist would relate form to function considering both, but in life it seems true to me. Such static phenomena as that lake, that hill- the question is what does it do to me, not the same as what it does to anyone else; and the tree, what will it be tomorrow, or in a different light? Moment to moment it makes a different impression on my senses- differences partly in it, partly in me.

That “I want to be someone else” realisation– has it changed me? This ideal, which I should be, and everyone else should be, too, falls away as illusion, leaving me seeing others and myself more clearly. Myers-Briggs: I am so completely Feeling, can anyone be Thinking at all or is it just an illusion, a post-hoc rationalisation? My attraction and aversion, Yuck and Yum, need no justification, they are quite rational enough. Here, Judging and Perceiving: I plead for Perceiving, as the only way to be, and Judge-

Especially for That. It is completely ridiculous! It can’t possibly last!

Oh, right. “She is starved of affection” I thought, and then realised it was projection; and this is too. “It can’t last!” is my own discomfort with the situation, out of my control. Though, I am quite clear: I don’t prefer sterile isolation, however certain it is.

Area Meeting on Sunday. I was sick fed up with them, and preached at them. After 45 minutes of bickering I proposed that the clerks will draft a schedule of dates and times for AM next year and one asked if it would be in time for LMs to comment. I said something like,

I will seek to serve the meeting as best I may. I will not try to control or bounce members into anything because I know you will not tolerate that. I seek to create a space where members may decide. One of the many ways I do not do this job properly is that I have not established a proper team with my assistant clerk, who has so much experience of clerking, Quakers and business. I now intend to do that.

I quoted the A&Q on Unity and said “It is possible! I have experienced it, in South Wales AM and Hardshaw East MM!”

That “bickering”. Resisting or receptive to it, seeking to Be Positive or- it is where we are. We need to get through this, we would not be here if we could be that BMW Quaker meeting, accelerating to Spirit-Led Unity in five seconds.

No discrete entities, but interactions. No objects, but processes. Not judging or perceiving, but a complex interaction of both, changing as time moves on.

The Jehovah’s Witnesses came. As usual, I told them of the immediate relationship with God and the experience of giving ministry, and offered them a copy of Advices and Queries. They didn’t take it.

Rossetti, Astarte Syriaca

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