My heart is open.
Here is the theory. One states affirmations in the present tense, positively, and without qualification, because the brain takes them in better that way (this is a psychological, even neurological theory).
What does that feel like? Writing, here, alone, it feels lovely, like a letting go of false defences which would never have defended, only hurt me; like new openness and awareness. Completely safe: “It’s a fucking bloke!” only hurts me if I believe it, if I devalue myself. I am with Dorothy Parker in part
Should they whisper false of you
never trouble to deny
Should the things they say be true-
There I am with Gene Hunt:
-An overweight, over-the-hill, nicotine-stained, borderline-alcoholic homophobe with a superiority complex and an unhealthy obsession with male bonding?
-You make that sound like a bad thing.
My heart is open. I can do this. I had thought of writing that I had pushed people away in fear and anger, accepting and absolving myself for this, but no detail is needed, it is done. And I have always opened and created friendship and communion: again no detail is needed, I know it, I have no need to prove it.
My heart is open.
When I have had spiritual growth experiences before, I have always hoped that they will bring an end to uncomfortable emotion. I will still feel uncertainty and fear, but do not fear them. Recently I have been very low; and in my lows, I learn.
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