Heart undefended

My heart is open.

Here is the theory. One states affirmations in the present tense, positively, and without qualification, because the brain takes them in better that way (this is a psychological, even neurological theory).

What does that feel like? Writing, here, alone, it feels lovely, like a letting go of false defences which would never have defended, only hurt me; like new openness and awareness. Completely safe: “It’s a fucking bloke!” only hurts me if I believe it, if I devalue myself. I am with Dorothy Parker in part

Should they whisper false of you
never trouble to deny
Should the things they say be true-

There I am with Gene Hunt:
-An overweight, over-the-hill, nicotine-stained, borderline-alcoholic homophobe with a superiority complex and an unhealthy obsession with male bonding?
-You make that sound like a bad thing.

My heart is open. I can do this. I had thought of writing that I had pushed people away in fear and anger, accepting and absolving myself for this, but no detail is needed, it is done. And I have always opened and created friendship and communion: again no detail is needed, I know it, I have no need to prove it.

My heart is open.

When I have had spiritual growth experiences before, I have always hoped that they will bring an end to uncomfortable emotion. I will still feel uncertainty and fear, but do not fear them. Recently I have been very low; and in my lows, I learn.

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