Feminine male, dominant woman

Femdom pictures and real life

I do not speak for other gynephile trans people assigned male at birth, far less the androphiles, but mine is a male experience of the world, and a male response. I claim the word “feminine”. It is rarely used to mean simply female, and normally used to mean “characteristic or regarded as characteristic of women; womanly” (OED). I claim that no response is truly characteristic of women alone, and want to divorce it from the much clearer concept of “female”. I am a feminine male. I am submissive.

The Urban Dictionary goes the other way: Feminine means “What pertains to a woman”. There are no qualifications. Whatever a woman does is feminine, because they are a woman, but that is not yet the standard use. My former colleague was often mistaken for a lesbian, because she was “masculine”, and I want a word for that. Rather than make the words mean “female” or “male”, I want to get rid of the prescriptive part- feminine or masculine are both Good, whichever sex one is.

A lesbian blogger wrote  that the straights found out about sex before completing puberty, but she had to wait for university to discover LGBT societies and gay bars. My father was similarly feminine, referring to my mother as “The Boss”, yet if we had in any way subverted patriarchy, I would not have grown up so certain of the importance of being Masculine. I got my shame from my parents, like the rabbit parasite which passes down the nose of the mother as she licks her young.

At the country dancing, there are more women than men, so women dance together. S was happy to dance “as a man” with me, and in the promenade hold pulled my right hand back just a fraction. I felt exposed, vulnerable, feminine, wanting to dance with her, and also frightened and ashamed. So I stopped going, before I smashed my car up which would have stopped me going anyway.

A woman told me, simply, “my husband dominated me”. That is quite acceptable for her, under patriarchy, but I don’t know what that would look like mutatis mutandis for me. I might manage to avoid overwhelming shame, but would still feel vulnerable.

Not entirely in a spirit of disinterested enquiry, I had a look at some female dominance porn, commonly abbreviated to “femdom”. I used it to help me consider what I want, and how that relates to sexuality. However the straight, dominant male might respond to these, the metaphors and symbols of female dominance are there: the frown and sneer of cold command, the camera’s perspective grovelling at her feet. It all seems so much hard work: normal straight people get away with just bodies, but there are so many props in the other photographs I saw. Though I understand no porn is a close portrayal of real life.

One woman whom I thought, wrongly, might be masculine with me told me that men who read her that way “want to be dominated”, which is a faff, except in matters of real life decision making. She was very pleased to get off with an army officer, at one point, but I have heard no more about that. I dislike the words dominant and submissive, anyway, they are too strong: perhaps assertive and assenting are better.

I tagged this “autogynephilia” because I am so “feminine” that only transition made sense for me. That refutes Blanchard’s, and other, theories. Wxhluyp, if he is still about, may have something to say.

This continues: women are attracted to feminine men; but- what might feminine mean? For me, it means this.

Amy Whitehouse wants to be the feminine one. I sympathise, I really do.

Strap-on Femdom, or human relationship

Ah. That is what I want. The pictures make it clearer. They show the women beating men, caging men, or having their feet kissed. All that foot worship would be such a bore: the woman “dominates” the man into doing exactly what he wants to do. The viewer fantasises about doing it, and is completely in control of his fantasy.

But all the women seem to despise the male onlooker, and act contempt for the males in the pictures and videos. I want to escape that bit, which is no necessary part of female dominance or assertiveness, just of Femdom porn. Either the pornographers cannot imagine such men not being contemptible, or believe that men will be more addicted to their wares if they feel themselves contemptible. The addict despises himself for getting turned on, and that self-disgust is itself addictive.

I want something else in a partner. I want to be assenting to her assertiveness, but I want affection. I can’t imagine any porn showing affection. If you know of any please let me know.