What delights me? Doing something which appears worthwhile or constructive. Being creative, either in writing or finding new ways of achieving something.
Getting to know myself was difficult enough, and I may not have managed it. When I started two years ago, I claimed to have Pupated. I had taken a step forward, but not such a large one. Twenty years ago I imagined myself male, intellectual rather than emotional, and had no idea what made me happy or what I wanted to avoid. I had this strange desire to dress female, so had aversion therapy. Eleven years ago, I transitioned to expressing myself female all the time: and felt a great deal happier.
It seemed that the way to make decisions was to work things out, rationally and intellectually. So I made my decision to transition rationally, then saw a psychiatrist who took away all my rationalisations. All I had left was my feeling. This was intensely painful and liberating. Then it seemed that because I rationalised everything, so must everyone else, and submerged emotional responses controlled everyone. Now it seems that some people may emphasise head over heart by inclination and nature, and fit the Enlightenment understanding of how best to make decisions. How could I ever communicate with someone so alien? A sufficient intellectual understanding may even look like empathy. Yes I can understand others by my own experience, but need to challenge my first imaginings.
With a post for every day since August 2011, I have made my journey of self-acceptance- being LGBT is OK, autogynephilia is an illusion- sounded off about things which interested me- flooding in North Carolina, Marcel Proust, karate – and described some encounters with the perplexing bipeds I meet.
I want to stretch my writing, with new subjects and new ways of expressing ideas. I have a new tag line-
Everything is Beautiful
because seeing that beauty is Necessary.
I am following the WordPress zerotohero challenge.