Why I write

vr-elegant_lady_in_pinkWhy do I blog? Having got to know myself, a little, I would like to get to know others. Explaining to you helps me get my thoughts in order. I want my blog to be Beautiful, so have lots of pictures.

What delights me? Doing something which appears worthwhile or constructive. Being creative, either in writing or finding new ways of achieving something.

Getting to know myself was difficult enough, and I may not have managed it. When I started two years ago, I claimed to have Pupated. I had taken a step forward, but not such a large one. Twenty years ago I imagined myself male, intellectual rather than emotional, and had no idea what made me happy or what I wanted to avoid. I had this strange desire to dress female, so had aversion therapy. Eleven years ago, I transitioned to expressing myself female all the time: and felt a great deal happier.

It seemed that the way to make decisions was to work things out, rationally and intellectually. So I made my decision to transition rationally, then saw a psychiatrist who took away all my rationalisations. All I had left was my feeling. This was intensely painful and liberating. Then it seemed that because I rationalised everything, so must everyone else, and submerged emotional responses controlled everyone. Now it seems that some people may emphasise head over heart by inclination and nature, and fit the Enlightenment understanding of how best to make decisions. How could I ever communicate with someone so alien? A sufficient intellectual understanding may even look like empathy. Yes I can understand others by my own experience, but need to challenge my first imaginings.

With a post for every day since August 2011, I have made my journey of self-acceptance- being LGBT is OK, autogynephilia is an illusion- sounded off about things which interested me- flooding in North Carolina, Marcel Proust, karate – and described some encounters with the perplexing bipeds I meet.

I want to stretch my writing, with new subjects and new ways of expressing ideas. I have a new tag line-

Everything is Beautiful

because seeing that beauty is Necessary.

I am following the WordPress zerotohero challenge.

16 thoughts on “Why I write

  1. I like your new tagline. While – rationally – I might agree that everything is beautiful, I think there is merit in saying there is beauty all around us if we choose to see it, and it is a good idea to look for it.

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    • I am not sure it is true. It is a corrective to my undue terrors and revulsions rather than a belief. It is certainly worthwhile searching for all the beauty in any situation or thing.

      Are you one of those strange Rational people?

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      • No just strange. If you look at psychometric testing etc I am INTP, with Belbin I manage to juxtapose being a chair/shaper/thinker/plant or whatever they are all called, and I am on the innovative end of the KAI thing. Maybe I’m just a chameleon.

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        • T rather than F in Myers-Briggs is a lot of what I meant. On MB, I thought it would be useful to develop in myself the opposite traits, eg Perceiving rather than my Judging. Chameleon could be valuable to be.

          I have just come across this Emily Dickinson line-

          Ourself behind ourself, concealed

          from 1863, which fits my perceived lack of self-knowledge.

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  2. HI Clare,
    Thanks for taking a look at my efforts in the zero to hero challenge. In response to your questions about your tag cloud, etc., to me it does look cluttered and confusing. You do have a lot of very interesting looking subjects but it might make it easier for people to stick around if you make it really easy for them. Make it simple and attractive somehow.
    I do like the sentiment of your tag line (what is the invisible one?). I like the little box on your sidebar with widely eclectic there. Is that a link? I’m afraid to press it right now or all my comments might be deleted, (will do it after). I like the picture of the lady here in the pink, I think that would be a great gravatar/avatar/?whatever they call it- little picture on the toolbar- for your blog. It says more to me than the CF does.
    Hope this is helpful to you, thanks for your comments on mine. 🙂
    Good luck!

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    • Welcome, and thank you for commenting. Z2H seems useful: I had wanted to find a more diverse selection of bloggers, as well as up my game.

      I find all I can do with the tag cloud is increase or reduce the number of tags. If you look down it, it quickly loses interest: all these words, and none particularly interesting. However, if you glance across at it, one word might take your interest. I think. So on reflection I will have a larger number of tags, in the hope that one catches the reader’s eye.

      The tiny CF is a “Blavatar” (controlled from Dashboard-Settings-General-Blog picture) which I have seen where someone’s sidebar has “blogs I follow” expressed as pictures rather than headings. Then, it is unattractive. I have it like that because usually the blavatar is tiny, and only the initials can be visible. My Gravatar (controlled from Dashboard- Users- my public profile) is a 17 year old photo. It is usually larger and more informative.

      I am glad you like “Wildly eclectic” because I think my blog can be, and that is a good thing to be. My invisible tagline is Art, transsexuality, spirituality, autogynephilia, because I want to attract people interested in these things, and invisible because I do not want to put people off, especially with transsexuality and autogynephilia (it is invisible because it is written in white on white).

      Thank you. That was very useful.

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  3. Yes, yes and yes! Even if something doesn’t look beautiful, look harder and find some beauty – beauty is everywhere and if it’s not then it ought to be and we ought to help it along 😀

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  4. I think there is beauty in all things. Also, I think that life is confusing and chaotic, but out of that chaos we grow strength and understanding and thus in chaos again find purpose and beauty. You are incredibly brave to be able to be honest with yourself and others while trying to figure it all out, and you will. That is beautiful!

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  5. There’s beauty everywhere, it’s just how you have your outlook set to. If you’re always upset or bothered, then you will miss a lot of opportunities in life. If you look at things in a more positive light then you will have more opportunities to find the beautiful things in life. I’ve learned through experience the more upset you are, the more you lock yourself away and in doing so, you miss out on a lot. Being vulnerable sometimes isn’t such a bad thing.

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    • Welcome. Thank you for commenting. Pleased to meet you.

      Mmm. Beauty and felt vulnerability, which can be Openness rather than defensive Closedness- and that closedness is actually more easily hurt/damaged. Open vulnerability is more resilient.

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