That did not meet the most basic rule of natural justice. An indictment needs to be specific: “On [date] you resigned from that job,” not “I hide away, and run away”. I stood it as long as I could. When I think of something specific, I see the extenuating circumstances. That is what I had to do, in that situation.
It is also appallingly negative, and after deciding to be Positive I see myself, now, particularly negative. George Orwell wrote of most people succumbing to the hard grind, and given that they might grow up in the shadow of The Mill and live their lives in it- and, perhaps, the Workmen’s Institute, or the Church, and have families, that might be alright, especially as I myself am not going to be a manual worker
then Rilke says something the same, living in the grind: his “Young Poet” was a soldier, and he has to conform to that Profession- which I might think inimical to poetry, one must possess the person, or the other- and the profuse notes in my cheap edition say Kappus’s novels were “cheap and popular”-
Then here is Seamus the Famous, a Poet. Another Poet (James Fenton, I think) joked about the border-guards checking his passport- “We don’t see many of those, sir”- and the Nobel Laureate for Literature writes about-
not understanding. Conflict. Loss. Fear. Not being good enough.
Actually, what was it Rilke wrote?
I know your profession [military officer] is hard and filled with contradiction of yourself, and I anticipated your lament and knew that it would come. Now it has come I cannot appease it, I can only advise you to consider whether all professions are not like that, full of demands, full of hostility against the individual, saturated so to say with the hatred of those who have reconciled themselves mutely and morosely to their own insipid duty. The situation in which you now have to live is no more heavily burdened with convention, prejudice and error than all the other situations, and if there are some which make parade of a greater freedom, there is certainly none which is itself wide and spacious and related to
the great things of which real life consists.
Not understanding, not- achieving with ease, instantly, what I want to achieve, and not being able to cease to want that-
The indictment is not against me, it is against the World: its Creator, its Biosphere, everything down to the molten Mantle and up to the stars, all of which I hate and Resent-
and all of which is as good as it possibly could be.