I know what you’re thinking, but who would go to Heaven if it didn’t have wi-fi? Pulmonary embolism, terrible pain in the chest on trying to breathe in, then I saw this bright light, moved towards it and now I am here. I hope someone finds the body soon: the bedroom window is open, so they should notice the smell. It doesn’t normally smell like that, honest.
Anyway. We have wi-fi. Typing with a “spiritual body” is a bit of a chore, but you get the hang of it. Opening the laptop, it looked a bit funny, but I soon got to understand Linux.
So why me? This great world-changing announcement, There Is A Heaven. Why my little blog? Six page views yesterday (eight likes, I am not sure what that is about) and this post will get no more page views than the others. Well, Tucking gets lots of page views, with searches for “adhesive tape tuck penis,” “inguinal canal tucking” and the like.
Why me? Precisely because this is a little blog. You read it, you think it’s a joke, no-one else reads it, they go on thinking there is no afterlife. I am not the first. Lots of bloggers, even brilliant writers like me, proclaim our ideas to the World and get ignored.
There Is A God. I’ve met him, you know. Well, seen him from the back of a crowd, but he looked straight at me, and it was just me and him, then he smiled and it was awesome. No, really awesome, not like when an Australian- oh, never mind.
You may be surprised by the word “him”. The Queen of Heaven was in another room, welcoming another lot. With 150 million coming to Heaven every single day, they have a lot of welcoming to do. Some of the Catholics were really really angry about this- why believe all that rubbish, and do all those silly things, if everyone gets in? Some of them get put in a separate place, only with Catholics, because they would not be able to understand why, and they would just be rude to the LGBT folks. They used to come here, but eventually their whining made the Buddhists angry.
Later on, I am going to get a tour. Heaven is very, very big with 107 billion people here. Adoration of the Godhead is popular, bathing in the light of their Countenances- they pop out, do a bit of quick welcoming, but wherever you are in that huge crowd, they look at you and it is like it is only you and them. I might try to get a piano. Celestial harmonies are all acoustic, of course. We have technology, but we have taste.
I understand it is so good I might not want to blog again.