I said I want independence, which is not quite true. I want to avoid dependence.
I do not pursue independence, but flee dependence. Where there is interdependence in my society- I am entitled to ask for X- I do not wish to ask for it. I would rather be separate. Nor do I want to negotiate interdependence. I do not see that I can. All this is a bad thing.
You might think I am beating myself up, but that is not quite it. I would rather be otherwise, but I have just about ceased to blame myself for this, or be ashamed of it. I seek instead to diagnose- to see- to sympathise- to enter in to my own desires- so to accept myself rather than in a semi-conscious state to reject and seek to force myself to be otherwise. Freed from that impossible task-master which is that semi-conscious self, I-
will see what happens, and have faith it will be better than this.
Its waters never intending to reflect: The moon, itself never meaning to be reflected. The pond of Hirosawa.
An illustration of no-mind, from John Teramoto’s translation of Genwa Nakasone’s commentary on the twenty guiding principles of karate. I thought it a beautiful thought, worthy of poetry but prosaically expressed. Try the 5.7.5 pattern:
Moon without intent Water without volition reflects reflection.
Mmm. “Pond” is a one syllable word, which might do. “Will” is a one syllable word for intent. I would like to refer to Hirosawa:
Moon and pond, unwilled reflected and reflecting Hirosawa's pool
Here is another translation:
The moon has no intent to cast its shadow anywhere, Nor does the pond design to lodge the moon: How serene the water of Hirosawa!
For your delectation, some haiku of Basho:
the moon: I wandered around the pond all night long
So, I mourn the thought of free will, and crave the state of no-mind. Good job I don’t have to be consistent!