Think of that. There is so much in it to be grateful for. Round my transition, actually I was supported. I was angry and depressed and frightened, and my work looked after me: on principle, as equality and diversity are important. Yes, so much to be grateful for, and when I think of it I am angry and upset. I weep. Oh. Is that the emotion now, or retained emotion from then? It is an intense and unpleasant experience today, though I did not think of my recent lesson, to notice the emotion rather than resist it. That only comes to mind, writing now, in the evening. And, writing now, I can think of November 2011 with a slight pang only, but could get drawn in to my hurt from 2002.
Lunch with Strike Back Project Dawn on the telly. There is lots of shooting, but only bad guys die so that is alright. Mmm. Shall I go for a walk? I could fritter my afternoon, or blog about getting emotional, or I could walk in the suddenly warm sunshine, and think. Only a week ago there was snow lying! There is a time to explore in words, and a time to just be with it. I have my camera, in case there is anything worth photographing.
It is not that I do not fear too much, or suppress fear so that I fear too little. The thing I ought to fear, the threat I see rationally, I do not really fear, and the thing which rationally I see is no threat at all I fear. Strange. Well, I have a month-
I catch up a retired couple, and the man wants to talk. They wondered if I had binoculars: there was something in the water. It seemed too far out for a fish, unable to pull itself out, it appeared to be trying to pull itself out with arms. Like a frog. My camera, I say, can magnify- but seeing no binoculars round my neck, they have walked on. They often walk here. They ask if that pub is still open. They like the local pubs, just occasionally, for a meal. We say how beautiful the park is, and they take a different path.
There are two swans, and I sit down with the camera. Digital: I click away more than two hundred times, in the hope of catching something. And when I almost get the classic two swans necks in a heart shape photo- often done, but nice to do it myself- the camera chooses to focus on that dry stalk. Boo. Oh well, it is such a beautiful sharp photo of the stalk. They are quite happy, about ten yards away: they know people are no threat, and it is lovely to watch them together. And then one gets his neck over. I look forward to seeing cygnets. I am very pleased with my last photo here.
Evening to karate. We get the punch-pads out, and take turns hitting and kicking them. I get exhausted holding the pad, it is a good feeling.