Triggering is good. Triggering happens when some part of Kyriarchy which had seemed so normal I was barely conscious of it impinges on consciousness like feeling returning to a numb limb. Then I am scared and angry and paralysed and I may start weeping- I will not react with that calm which I prize- or else, I go back to numbness which I can notice later. I once thought this meaningless jargon. It is part of the healing process.
I found Diva magazine in WH Smith on Leicester station. Is it for me? It is trying: its “Great big lesbian dictionary” has “MTF: Male-to-female transsexual. Better known as trans woman. Or just woman. Trans women can be lesbians too.” Should that need saying? On facebook, they asked, “Would you date a trans woman?” and had some objections, which firm up my view. Saying you would never date a trans woman is like saying you would never date a black woman, or at least saying you would never date a woman with a particular physical condition. I am a woman.
The January issue has an article on transphobia in the lesbian community. It is by a trans woman who says she is “hetero-romantic”- she dates men. That triggered me. On what other subject would they ask a straight woman to write about lesbian issues? How dare they? It brings up for me all that stuff about being a “secondary” transsexual for being gynaephile.
The article is almost entirely negative. The author spoke at Dyke March London- a strong acceptance- yet barely mentions that. Instead, she writes of unpleasant experiences with individuals. She interviewed a couple, one trans and one cis. They would have mentioned their joyous experiences, and are quoted on their bad ones. That facebook thread had a lot of positive comments about us, and only a negative one is quoted: we try too hard to be over-feminine, apparently. Julie Bindel “seems to have accepted that bullying trans people is no longer acceptable”- muted cheers for Julie Bindel- but talks of a “war raging” with feminists. This is really not what I want to hear. Why not write how the couples met and how they love each other?
The fashion pages show the “rock chick” look- check shirt, t-shirt with a skull on it and grey jeans, in one photo- and that orange thing really does nothing for their cover girl. There are tips on finding a therapist as you might find in any woman’s magazine. There are interviews with lesbian musicians, and a note of “The Trans Comedy award”. I would read it if they treated me like any other lesbian. They are not there yet.