I am a man.
I imagine questions coming up. Am I going to revert to presenting male? No. Was I wrong to transition? Certainly not.
I am a “man” in that I have a Y chromosome, male skeletal structure, and I used to have male gonads, which I had removed. I am a “man” because I admit no connotations to that word which exclude me- “man” “should” behave or respond or be in a particular way. “Man” includes my ultragirly self. I am all man.
This might create a rapprochement with the radfems- radical feminism rejects moral or societal concepts of gender as restricting. Unfortunately it won’t- their insistence on women’s space excluding me is more from visceral, emotional disgust at my way of being. Which is, of course, a patriarchal response.
It does not prevent me from also being a “woman”. I am all inconsistencies, or to see it positively a wide range of possible responses which are right for the situation. So, I love the countryside and the city, the rolling arable of Northamptonshire and the hills and lochs of Argyll. I love the emotional relating in work, and I love the arcane puzzling out of statute and precedent. I am Scots and I am English, none of that half-and-half nonsense. I worked this out when thinking of transitioning.
When I say “I am a man” I am rejecting all moral expectations of what a “man” is. A man “should” dress, respond, think or relate in a particular way? No. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t, and I will not be judged on that. Of course, it is my own judgment that cripples or hurts me, so I reject that judgment. If my judgment from within is that I am acceptable as I am, then judgments from without will not hurt me. Also, I will be less likely to project Condemnation on another from communication which is intended as nothing of the kind.
I want to go beyond the gender binary, which is confirmed by the inadequate word “transition”- one transitions from one to the other, between the two- to gender fluidity. I want the right response, the Me response, in a situation without constraint from words concepts and judgments. I reject the word “transition” in favour of “Coming out”: I am still doing that, even to myself.
I will continue to use women’s changing rooms and loos. The Gender Recognition Act 2004 positively permits that, it was more or less tolerated before, and it is more comfortable.
I finally saw the distinction between intersex and DSD. Etymologically, intersex implies between the sexes, not one or the other. Disorder of Sexual Development implies there is a man or a woman with abnormal genitals. People with the same condition may define themselves as intersex or DSD, and I see no problem with someone calling himself “an intersex man”. It is the individual reality that matters, more than the words used to describe it. So I am not speaking for anyone but myself, and it has to be the person who chooses the words to describe herself.