U, who fascinated and enchanted me, suggested we meet at her friend’s house (this was in October). But before we met, J had something very important to tell me. J believed that in a previous life I had been female, and that was why I felt female now, the former life was so strong in me. U suggested J did a Shamanic journey with me.

This was all too much for me, and I said I do not want a Shamanic journey, can we not just have a meal together? And U said, if I did not want to go to her friend’s, she did not want to see me. Oh well, if my fantasy of a relationship with her had not crashed down then, it would have crashed down very shortly after. It was my inner rationalist coming out, I find some of this New Age stuff very difficult to thole. Someone saying with complete belief, and as if it were as simple as speaking of her birth in “this” life, something which I find irrational remains difficult for me. And brought up Christian I had no exposure to serious belief in reincarnation.

The trouble is, I may very well feel female now because former lives are strong within me, but why am I lesbian? I have seen the suggestion that it is because I was male in a former life, so attracted to women. Where does that leave me? As a joke, I suggested that in a former life I was a butch lesbian, and I thought butches have a raw deal, it is far easier for Femmes, and prayed to come back as a Femme. And some demon heard me. M said that I do not come across as a girly-girl. Drat. Well, it was a Demon.

Here is a suggestion that gay people were the other sex in a former life. Trouble with that is that it suggests, for a lesbian who is not trans, that there is something male about her desiring a woman- that there is something incomplete in her Womanliness. There may be male or unfeminine bits in me but I resent the suggestion that being attracted to women is necessarily one of them.

Also it implies that some explanation is needed. It is OK for a woman to be attracted to another woman because she was a man in a former life. But being lesbian is as natural and normal as being straight. I need no reason to be lesbian rather than straight, or trans rather than cis. Some women appear male, and are attracted to women. That is the way it is.

Being trans has caused me a great deal of pain, and as I move towards self-acceptance two possibilities occur to me. Either this is a particularly difficult problem, and I have done exceptionally well over many previous lifetimes to face it now, or it is a comparatively simple problem, but I find it difficult because I have had few previous lifetimes.

Being trans is good for me and good for the World, and I seek the good in it.

First picture © Himalayan Academy Publications, Kapaa, Kauai, Hawaii.

9 thoughts on “Reincarnation

  1. Dear Clare

    Thanks for your latest post. As always, you expose some of the many contradictions that exist when we try to understand others, not by listening to to them or being with them, but by trying to make things “fit” with our own incomplete understandings. J said, you “feel like a woman” – which suggests, you aren’t really……

    All anyone desires is to be accepted as they are.

    You are a woman. That does not mean I have to go through hoops or tie myself in knots, though you may have to. All I have to do is accept you as you are, and if “friendship” includes emotional blackmail (“if you don’t go to U’s house I don’t want to be friends with you” sounds like Kindergarden….) then the problem is with them, not with you.

    As for reincarnation, if you examine the Bible carefully, you will see peppered through it, all kinds of references to reincarnation, the most obvious of which were cleared out following a conference – I can’t remember which one…it might have been Alexander the Great and his mum – so that the Church could exert more power over its followers. Believers in reincarnation will suggest that you have probably had many, many lives, some presenting as male and others as female. That hardly matters now, does it? It is a waste of effort to invest your past lives with such power. Just be yourself, because that is very beautiful and lovely.

    Have a wonderful day! XXX ♥


    • Yes, “feel like a woman” suggests I am not one really, and that drove me back to my diary. I did not note it at the time, cannot be sure that I remember “feel like” rather than “are”, and agree that “feel like” is gratuitously insulting in a way that “are” is not- so I will not insist she insulted me, without certainty.

      As for the emotional blackmail- er, um. It felt worth it at the time. I have never seen her without coming away completely miserable, and a friend said “we are moths to her flame”, and I find the flame fascinating, because I am aflame too. The painful experiences do not damage me. I hope they are worthwhile.

      What references in the Bible?


  2. Clare, I really enjoyed this post. I wonder why our culture still finds it so scary to allow sexuality a more fluid flexibility and is so insistent on pinning it down like a dead butterfly specimen? Some things can be accepted as an is-ness or deep knowing and we can simply trust what is true without having to know the origins. I appreciate all your musings about how and who you are and hope you will continue to share with us. I for one find you fascinating and authentic and celebrate all of who you are in the full glory that continually emerges and expands. Reincarnated or not you are magnificent. blessings to you.


  3. I hesitated to add a comment because I’m not sure my point of view is of much value on the topic, but I did want to say I found your post so interesting. I’ve long been a believer in the concept of the soul’s reincarnation, even if that doesn’t mean that there is an re-emergence on the earth of a particular “me-ness” or “you-ness”. Being straight and, I don’t know the right term – non-trans?, I never thought about the permutations of sexuality and gender as it would relate to reincarnation, but the idea of “is-ness” as put forward by blessedbebeth resonates with me. This also seems to be consistent with what you were saying in your closing; I found so much power in that.

    You ARE. Thank goodness for the soul that is Clare Flourish in this lifetime.


    • Please do comment. I value what you have to say. As I come down against reincarnation being either clearly true, or a useful way of seeing the world, I am interested to hear of your belief in it, as that is evidence for its value. Thank you.

      I can’t approach the is-ness through one clear understanding, one verbal formulation set in stone, but through different verbal formulations not being Truth but approaching truth from different directions. And that it “resonates” with you- yes, we feel and see rather than formulate truth.

      Actually, we tend to use the word “cis”, which is generally the opposite of trans, as in transalpine and cisalpine. But as you have no intention to wound, any word you use is acceptable.


  4. The idea of reincarnation has always resonated with me. Parallel universes also. Big fan of Star Trek!

    Hear hear to questrix’ last line – “Thank goodness for the soul that is Clare Flourish in this lifetime.”


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