Christian hate

File:Ilketshall St Margaret-g1.jpg Jemima said, “I cannot for the life of me understand how people can term themselves Christians
and use the language of hate and oppression.”

File:Norwich Protestant Cathedral.JPG

Because that is not how it feels from inside. I have been Evangelical, I was wildly homophobic when I was in denial of myself. Mindy gives her own explanation, which makes sense to me.

I was Christian because my mother was Christian, and took me to church before I could walk. My kirk, growing up, gave me community and common purpose. I liked being asked to read the lessons because I like to show off. It made me one of the good people, despite all that talk of sin: I never really felt conscious of sin, apart from the cross-dressing. I did become aware, though, that on Sunday morning when the family went to the Kirk, that I could niggle  at my sister in a particularly nasty way, to wind her up and claim moral high ground.

In a strange world, it was good to feel that there were Rules, and we knew them. We (Piskies) were right, the Presbies were 90% right, the rest- Baptists, Wee Frees, Catholics etc- had their hearts in the right place. God was the benevolent policeman in the Sky, enforcing the rules.

Gay sex was disgusting. We had to love the homosexual, but when an extremely feminine man with a boyfriend came to St Andrew’s Cathedral, I strongly objected to him joining the servers at the altar. The couple did not stay with us. When I confessed to the Provost that I cross-dressed, and showed how upset and ashamed I was, he gave laying on of hands to drive it out of me. And, well, all sex was disgusting. I was utterly ashamed of my sexual instincts. I mocked the word “homophobia” for its etymology: how can one be afraid of the Same? Well-

File:Jedburgh Abbey02.jpgI joined the Lawyers’ Christian Fellowship, and was published in their journal, and joined intense, forensic bible studies at lunchtime. We were learning The Truth. So, yes, Love your Neighbour, and Judge Not that ye be not Judged, but I knew what was right and what was wrong and you should not do the wrong stuff, and associating with people who did (at least if they were not properly ashamed) was condoning it.  

I believed in Original Sin and human Depravity. Now, I believe in Original Blessing, which I think is Biblical too-

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

And I loved the singing. The singing was wonderful. I still ten years later have many hymns memorised.

Hatred of gay people, in a Christian. I think it is wrong, I think it comes from an inadequate view of Christ, God, Christianity, the Bible, the whole thing- and, I was there. It seemed right to me at the time. And- I was constantly exposed to those strange, troubling words of Jesus. No, I was not going to sell all I have and give the money to the poor. “Be perfect as your Father is perfect”. Forgive your neighbour seventy times seven (Right, that is 489, just one more to go…). “Love one another, for Love is of God”.

7 thoughts on “Christian hate

  1. Good post. I was raised Catholic too. However, homosexuality was never discussed. i guess I lived a pretty sheltered life and it wasn’t until I went to college….an all girls college, that I even heard of girls liking girls. I had friends who were gay, but I WASN’T GAY. No way. I even dated and then married a guy because I wanted to be like everyone else. Looking back, I can see it now, but when it was happening, I just assumed I was straight. It took 20 more years for me to realize that I am a lesbian, and proud of it. I wonder if I had been born 20 years late, if I would have realized I was gay, but I can’t change my life, so I live with it and move on. I love my sons and wouldn’t change having them for anything.

    Like

  2. Just home from a visit with my folks, who are gently Catholic and who bravely work at welcoming my partner and I with no overt judgment. They (my dad in particular) are among a few – including you, Clare, thank you! – who, lately, have me pondering afresh the many colored tapestry that makes up each person.

    Even the worst offenders in the religious and political arenas (and especially those in that arena where the religious and political come together to lift each other to ugly heights of righteousness)… even the worst offenders are not wholly wrong or cruel or worthy of discard.

    Or unable to change.

    That doesn’t mean I have to interact with them of course! And I still seek to know the balance between tolerating them and being an accomplice in the harm they do. I’m starting to realize that there is not likely only one answer to that last…

    Like

    • Not worthy of discard. Of course not. All seek the right as best we can. And- not all going to move on exactly in the way I did.

      I do so much harm! I do not like the way pigs and chickens are kept, but I eat pork and eggs and chicken. On one hand, “efficiency” brings crueller methods, on the other the pressure of consumers brings more Free-range and better treatment. Perhaps I should look to the harm I do, and rejoice when I mitigate it.

      Like

      • I was once so accomplished and practiced in that ability to let go of the need to change others by recognizing my own need to change (“BE the change you wish to see in the world”)… until I experienced rejection from my christian community and learned of the lifelong story of rejection and self-immolation my partner lived.

        I am chagrined to think of the many counseling sessions I have had with others, when I didn’t understand or honor their not being yet ready/able to let go of their own pain.

        Like

        • I honour your love and desire to do right,
          and your creativity in finding new ways of doing it.

          And- occasionally, I have found screaming at the floor a useful release.

          I am so glad you are here! I am grateful for your intelligence and lucid expression.

          Like

All comments welcome.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.