Acceptance?

On this search for self-acceptance, I have still sought who I am innately. This is a hangover from the long quest to find if I were “really” transsexual, and if so, what should I do about it.

But then, ten years ago, I was 35, and now I am 45. Young people equate happiness with excitement, old people equate happiness with contentment, in the middle I equate it with both. I was actually noticing signs of ageing then, it seems I have more to notice now, they may or may not be more noticeable. I notice more changes in the world around me, and remember more how it was different at another time.

And in 2001 I started taking testosterone suppressants, and oestradiol. That changes me. I cried three times in 1996, sometimes I cry daily for a week or more.

The religious path is one of growth and change.

If I am really intuitive, feelings-based, rather than rational, why should that be life-long?

Underneath it all, the Unconscious influences so much of what I do, and my thinking on motivation is so often a post-hoc rationalisation, as accurate as a hurried journalist, not understanding and missing the point.

I am an organism within a permeable skin, always changing, taking in and excreting. How could I, really, get a handle on any of what I am? How could I have self-acceptance, if that depended on any sort of understanding, anything I could categorise or name or define?

I- just- am.

6 thoughts on “Acceptance?

  1. Dear Clare

    We all learn and create all the time – there is nothing we can do about that, since creation is part of what we are. That creation changes us in one way or another, yet, though it all, we just are. That is another divine “contradiction” the being and not being, the doing, not doing, the AM NOT AM.

    But we have fun, too! I love your pictures today, so easily making your point. Bless you.

    Like

  2. Thanks for the interesting post. I especially liked your conclusion: I just am. It’s interesting how much time we seem to spend trying to define ourselves and other things in life instead of just accepting them and letting them be. 🙂

    Like

    • And- accepting them, and letting them be, allows better action where action is needed. Gospel of Thomas 50:
      “If they ask you, ‘What is the sign of your father in you?’, say to them, ‘It is movement and repose.'”

      Like

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