The inner child

Why, “Inner child”? Why should my emotional being not be adult, and be seen to be adult?

Because it has such a perfect clarity about what it wants, what makes it happy, that it seems like a child, as children often have that clarity. This is what Matthew 18:3 means:

unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

Ha, and again Ha! Not “Mild, obedient, good as He” but in touch with their desires, and bent on carrying them out. Knowing that those desires are constructive and creative for learning and exploration, and that there is no failure, until you stop working towards something. One may be that child and be fully mature, with all the wisdom of your years. Possibly one cannot be fully mature without being that child.

Perhaps, also, we talk of the “inner child” because we fear it, and want to disrespect it, and call it less than the mature intellectual adult. 

People fear the emotional being so much, and repress it, and because our parents in their thankless task of civilising us as they themselves were civilised, feared and repressed it. Repressed, it gains the energy of the repression, and becomes the Id monster, because it claims freedom. That hurts. Possibly, when I suppress my emotional being I stop it maturing properly, so it really needs to undergo stages of development which ideally it would pass through before physical maturity. And I think the work I am doing in my ritual space, loving and caring for the baby Clare, is necessary work, gentling and reassuring my emotional being like a frightened horse or dog, so that she may take her rightful place beside my intellect, working together, each doing the work appropriate to herself and not intruding on the other’s realm.

I have a room in my heart for Baby Clare, which is quite unspecific at the moment- red, soft, warm- because it is she who gets to decide how it will be. I cuddle the baby there- I am my own guardian angel, my own highest self, and my own most vulnerable self- and if at any time she decides she would like to get about, crawling, walking, she will learn to do that there, surrounded at all times with my own unconditional Love.

Does this make any sense to you at all? I am writing it here, rather than in my journal, to prove to myself that I am sufficiently unashamed of it, and sufficiently convinced of its rational value to show it off. Yes, I do want external validation. I imagine that would make me feel more comfortable. And yet I know myself sufficiently well to know that I will go my own way, whatever anyone else thinks.


Jesus as a child, from the infancy gospel of Thomas:

And when Jesus was five years old, there fell a great rain upon the earth, and the boy Jesus walked up and down through it. And there was a terrible rain, and He collected it into a fish-pond, and ordered it by His word to become clear. And immediately it became so. Again He took of the clay which was of that fish-pond, and made of it to the number of twelve sparrows. And it was the Sabbath when Jesus did this among the boys of the Jews. And the boys of the Jews went away, and said to Joseph His father: Behold, thy son was playing along with us, and he took clay and made sparrows, which it was not lawful to do on the Sabbath; and he has broken it. And Joseph went away to the boy Jesus, and said to Him: Why hast thou done this, which it was not lawful to do on the Sabbath? And Jesus opened His hands, and ordered the sparrows, saying: Go up into the air, and fly; nobody shall kill you. And they flew, and began to cry out, and praise God Almighty.

No, I don’t believe it: but if Jesus was God, and a human child, would he not play games like that? That he would not is the doctrine of Kenosis.


I look at the Tag surfer quite a lot, all posts with a particular tag shown in one place. Recently Lexie Cannes, a trans activist, wrote about Mischa Popoff, a campaigner against trans rights, whom she called “hardly worth mentioning”.  At least she answered the rubbish he wrote. Dr Eowyn mostly quotes, to spread anger and resentment among her conservative readers about the Transsexual Menace to our Children. I prefer posts where people write on what pleases them. I do not want to be depressed. There are positive stories about. Popoff opposes the introduction of education on trans issues in Canada. Hooray! That means it is a live issue, and other people are working for that education.

I recommend Dr Eowyn’s post, because it contains a great deal of useful information on how to bring up healthy, well-adjusted children with a wide spectrum of behaviours traditionally more associated with one gender than the other. I am grateful to her for introducing me to Gender Spectrum. She will not be pleased at giving such aid and comfort to her adversaries.

6 thoughts on “The inner child

  1. It has taken me years to come to grips with my inner child who was abandoned by family, molested and abused by neighbors and foster parents etc- but facing that child has been one of the most important steps I’ve ever taken.

    Through the eyes of my inner child, forgiveness was so easy and Jesus was (and still is) exquisitely lovely (He never campaigned against anyone except hypocrites).

    I remember how my parents looked through my child eyes. I loved them relentlessly through all of their failures, and I have learned to do so again because of my inner child.

    Thank you for writing this searching piece.


    • Dear Olive, I am glad you like it. I noticed your phrase “wounded healer”, and think the wounds, if you have time to heal yourself, give the experience to heal others. And, “forgiveness was so easy”- that requires manifesting your inner child unafraid and singing. People do our best under difficult circumstances.


  2. I enjoyed your commentary on embracing the emotions of your inner child. I know I struggle with the balance between letting those emotions happen and allowing them to be constructive. I have found a key in my journey is not judging the feelings…knowing that they are just feelings and not reacting to them with fear or anger but love and acceptance of myself and the little girl inside.


    • Welcome, layla. Thank you. I love your image of the brain-hamsters on their little wheels, we are doing a lot of the same work. I fear my fear and anger, and I fear showing being upset, and am better at letting the feelings be. Yes. Do not judge them. And, as you say, hold the control when you need to, too. Doing this within your relationship structure is impressive.


  3. I think your description of how you are nurturing your inner child is lovely. I know that I resist caring for my inner child(ren)…in an ironically childish way, I want to stomp my feet and say “it’s not fair! I don’t want to take care of her! someone else should have!”. When I can let that resentment go, and give her, and me, the nourishment we need, life is so much more peaceful. And like you said, it’s probably a step TOWARDS emotional maturity to let her be, and be loved.

    Thank you for your post.


    • Yes! You can give her the nourishment. And my resistance to that, my inner critic stuff that I Should be better at this, I should be able to do all this, has come up against the brick wall: I need to take it at the pace I can manage, not imagine I can go faster because then I crash.


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