Calm down, dear

In one day I wept helplessly; expressed my anger in the office and told Paul he was an idiot, rather than just getting on and doing the work as usual; pressed the accelerator when I really should have pressed the brake, then thought that really was not sensible; and had an irrational, paranoid fear reaction. I have also been acting impulsively. So now I am back on hormones.

Russel Reid first prescribed the sweeties, as we called them, as a diagnostic test. He told me that he saw a lot of people only once. We self-diagnose as transsexual and find our way to the gender psychiatrist, and Russel always gave us what we asked for. He said, faced with actually taking hormones, the confused fantasist usually stopped. For those of us for whom transition was so completely Right, we came back. We diagnosed ourselves. I think Uncle Russel was right, and was very grateful for the prescription at the time I needed it, but he retired after questions of his conduct were raised before the General Medical Council.

Then the endocrinologist confirmed the recommendation that I take these, to promote female secondary sex characteristics. And I have just carried on taking them. One pharmacist decided to warn me that mine was a particularly high dose for HRT, but then, I am not taking HRT: it is very similar, but I think the differences are important. I am taking oestradiol as a treatment for transsexualism syndrome.

And ten years afterwards, another GP told me that HRT increased the risk of breast cancer, so she wanted me to stop. And I did. Then I lost half a stone, started having the mood swings, associated them with the hormonal changes, and after one particular paranoid and impulsive act begged for more oestrogen.

So now I am taking oestradiol again, and thinking of coming off it more gradually to keep the moods in check. I am more worried about thromboses than cancer, but do not want either. I think the oestradiol has done all it can to produce the secondary characteristics. I wonder if this is what women go through, emotionally, in pre-menstrual syndrome.

4 thoughts on “Calm down, dear

  1. The essential You is fine, always wonderful and full of life. There will always be scare mongers out there – and doctors are some of the worst! They see too many RTA’s and have to patch up too many casualties. Repeat often, especially on rising and on going to bed: I deserve happiness and fulfilment and today I find it. And keep taking your sweeties. This is a difficult time of year for light, so get outside as much as you can. I speak as one who knows about mood and moodswings. xxx Lots of love, Ann F xxx :-))


    • Mmm. The second GP noted that I was aware of the risks, would take precautions and see the practice about threatening symptoms, and had made the choice. So she was happy to give me what I wanted. With my experiences, I want any medical intervention to be my choice, rather than a doctor’s. My doctor is simply my professional adviser.


  2. First of all thank you for visiting Minkyweasel World and placing a comment.
    So you were under Russell too? What you say about the guy is perfectly true and I discovered that myself back in 2001 when I was being ‘assessed’. You quite rightly point out that transsexuals do know who they are and don’t really need a psychiatrist to tell them and it was evident that Russell also knew this principle.

    Shirley Anne xxx


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