SHYNATT
Or, Spiritual, Hippy, Yoga, New Age Therapist Types. Possibly getting it wrong. As Newton was right about all motion which could be observed for centuries after he lived, and Einstein corrects him in marginal cases, my Shynatt thinking needs a thorough underpinning of rational thought.
Here is the Mayor of Christchurch responding to a question from Prospect magazine about what it is like to be a mayor. No link, it is for subscribers only:
The best part is that you have the most inspirational connection to the best of the human spirit. You are always exposed to positive, energised thought. But the role also becomes the focus for all that is wrong. The mayor is often a therapist for dissatisfied people, who may be stressed or unhappy with their own life. People face many pressures in their everyday life and they can get obsessed with the negative. But one thing about the mayor’s job that doesn’t change, is that it is never dull!
It would be unfair to judge Bob Parker on that one quote. I do not know how he performs as mayor. Also, it could be a politician’s answer, saying nothing. Remember the Earthquake: now is the time to pull together and build, not the time to criticize. But at worst, it is a way to ignore all opposition completely: if they do not like what I want to do, they are speaking out of stress and negativity. The first question should be, does my opponent have a good argument, not what aspect of his difficult childhood makes him oppose me. Of course seeing opportunities is more important than seeing problems, if the opportunity is a way round the problem…
Image from Christchurch website.
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There I am in my Karl Lagerfeld suit (go to the charity shops in the nicer areas) going to the Bridgewater Hall, carefully made up, toe in the water, trying out going among the Normal people. Park in the gay village, and as soon as I turn into Princess St a man shouts, “It’s a fucking bloke!”
Years later, walking back to the office through the mall, someone as I pass him hisses “fucking nonce”, and I wonder, how did he spot me? Why sex offender? Why that level of hatred for a stranger?
These and other incidents are burned into me. I think I am no longer ashamed of being TS, even of being a lesbian trans woman (not a “primary transsexual”, not a real TS, different and less, some still say, though they are careful that the “less” is implied rather than overt). I have carried that burden of shame so long, and the real fear of ordinary people- I knew that if I let out my vulnerable bit I will be squished.
And the masks are too painful. So it really is worth taking them off. And the moments when I need defences are rare. And defending is paradoxically easier from a relaxed mode than a defended mode: like blocking a punch when you know that is the only thing needing blocked, rather than trying to defend the whole body from imaginary kicks.
And going Authentic is unaccustomed, and needs practice.
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I hate being flat chested. Should I go around with falsies? Should I get implants? Should I go flat-chested, and have an even more mannish figure than I need to? I hate all the options. What I actually experience myself doing, separately from all the arguments and the question of whether I am being positive or negative, and the fact of how many women are terrified of going out without makeup, is going braless, falsieless, flat.
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From the same Prospect article:
The electoral commission has approved the following question on the ballot: “How would you like Birmingham to be run? By a leader who is an elected councillor chosen by a vote of the other elected councillors? This is how the council is run now. Or by a mayor who is elected by voters? This would be a change from how the council is run now.”
This is because the Yes option in a referendum has an advantage over the No option, so how the question is drafted affects the result, a bit of gen I picked up from an earlier Prospect article. So complex, so many considerations…
