I had things I had to do before I could transition. I wanted to make a good start on electrolysis, as shaving closely enough to go out dressed made my skin sensitive, and I needed in any event to let my facial hair grow for two days before it could be electrolysed. I had four hours of electrolysis a week. I wanted speech therapy, because my voice was one of the things most likely to get me read as TS.
I found the speech therapy very difficult. The therapist told me that rather than doing half an hour at a time, I should take a minute, say, on the stairs in the office, or going to work, with an exercise. This did my head in. It was already bad enough spending the weekend female, and then on Monday morning having to go into work presenting male. I was not easy to be with on Monday mornings. Then I would do a voice exercise, and connect to my female self at random times each day, then have to impose the male mask again. It was intolerable.
I woke at four am, which is never a good time to make a decision, thinking of my colleague Vicky. Vicky had noticed herself being “clumsy”, this had become serious enough for a referral to a neurologist, and three years after her diagnosis with MS she was in a wheelchair. And I felt such envy of her, because she was accepted as female, that I would have swapped places with her. So I thought, that is it, I have to transition as soon as I can. That was six weeks before I transitioned at work.
Now, I feel occasional pangs of envy of a well-dressed woman with a particularly gorgeous figure, but am happy in myself, on the whole.