Can I heal people, by laying on hands or channelling spirit?
I know that this will do people good. If I pay someone my full attention, express that I wish her well, and do something through which I communicate my intention to do her well, it will do good, by the placebo effect, which is scientifically proven and demonstrated and explicable. It feels to me that there is something more, that the action and intention taps into the Life Force, or Holy Spirit, or Love, or something beyond both of us which works healing. There are many people who believe in such healing, and practise various styles of Reiki, or with the Friends’ Fellowship of Healing or the Healing Trust. I could find numerous Bible passages saying this is a gift Christians share, and it is a Shamanic practice. Hippocrates felt his hands grow warm as he came to touch a patient.
It is what I want to do, and I feel enmeshed in the paradox- “There is no God. God exists.” Could I do it if I doubted it? Could I bring myself to say things, unless I believed the Something, greater than us both, was moving as It willed for our good?
Trying to live male, I was enmeshed in lies and evasions which I took into my heart, lies which I told myself and thought were true. Transitioning, I asserted my own Truth, that I am female, which I had experienced being repeatedly and utterly denied throughout my childhood, which denials still hurt me a little, especially when I perceive denials from other people (though eleven years on this hurts much less). Truth is the most important thing to me. Something that I can know and cling to as True.
So, could I practise some form of spiritual healing, even while harbouring some doubt that it was more than a placebo? Should I learn one or more of the plethora of complementary therapies which are not, all, proven by rational double-blind peer reviewed studies reported in reputable journals?
My attachment is to knowing, rather than to Truth per se, and- to having an understanding, to holding a Position. What can I do when half of me says, “Yes, this is true and beautiful and Right and my Calling” and half says, “No, sorry. It’s placebo.” Please tell me what you think.
Rilke, from letters to a young poet:
I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.
And- my questing intelligence and wise friends may help me with the questions.